Hosted by Popeye spinach.
[Explanations: lol your fat. pathetic anger bread. hey your gay.]
(See what I did there?)
Belly up to the bar,
and name your poison!
Note: Monday is Memorial Day in the US, and many of us have plans for the day, so we're going to take Monday off, and we'll see you back here on Tuesday.
"Tom," said the puppy, licking its nose, "I don't like the phrase 'common sense.'" And Tom said, "I don't like it either, puppy." And the puppy said, "It seems to me that a lot of what's considered 'common sense' is really only common among the people and puppies who fiercely defend the idea that their perspectives are objective, and right, and the only possible logical conclusions." And Tom said, "Uh-huh. And the very phrase itself implicitly accuses anyone who disagrees as nonsensical, incapable of the sort of sophisticated thought required to come to these allegedly self-evident conclusions." And the puppy said, "Sometimes people forget that seeing the world from four legs makes it look different from seeing it with two legs. For example." And Tom nodded his agreement, then they quietly gazed at the sea, each from their own perspective.
[Content Note: Hunger.]
24%: The percentage of people in both the United States and Greece who answered "yes" to the question: "Have there been times during the last year when you did not have enough money to buy food your family needed?"
Digby, wryly: "The good news is that the stock market is roaring and the top 1% have been doing really well. So that's good."
If only Mitt Romney were the only selfish fuck in this country who believes that people aren't entitled to food. Unfortunately, there are enough of us that nearly a quarter of the nation is struggling to access the food they need.
I have written, somewhere between ten and one hundred biebillion times, variations on the following:
Implicit in feminism/womanism is not only the belief, but the expectation, that men are not brutish nor infantile—nor stupid, useless, inept, emotionally stunted, or any other negative stereotype feminists have been accused of promoting—but instead our equals just as much as we are theirs, capable not only of understanding feminism (and feminists), but of actively and rigorously engaging challenges to their socialization, too.Exhibit A: The trailer for Grown Ups 2, a film written, directed, produced, edited, scored, and cast by men, starring four extremely rich, influential, successful men who can write their own paychecks by making whatever kind of material they want for themselves.
Feminists, of course, have the terrible reputation, but it isn't we who consider all men babies, dopes, dogs, and potential rapists. The holders of those views are the women and men who root for the patriarchy—which itself, after all, takes a rather unpleasantly dim view of most people.
Video Paraphrase: Montage blah blah fart with male voiceover reminding us that Grown Ups was a real film in the world. Mother-in-law joke. A deer pees on Adam Sandler in his bedroom. They've all moved back to their hometown because it's a great place to raise a family and their kids can ride their bikes to school because nothing terrible ever happens to children in small towns. Grown-ass adult David Spade rides through traffic inside a tractor tire, narrowly avoids death. His pals Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, and Kevin James bicker over who gets to go next. Adam Sandler doesn't want his daughter to have breasts when she grows up. "They're not growing up without a fight," says the voiceover, about FOUR ADULT MEN, THREE OF WHOM ARE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN. They go to a cliff over a lake from which they used to dive when they were kids and get into a confrontation with four frat boys whose leader is Jacob Twilight. Montagery of so much blah fart stupidity: Fighting with lacrosse players, boobs, shooting at each other from go-karts, a "secret table" that replaces beer with juice when a wife shows up. Good grief. Back to the cliff, where Jacob Twilight tells them, inexplicably, that they have to jump in naked. Which they do, because THEY REFUSE TO GROW UP. They are heroes, you harpy! Adam Sandler jumps off the cliff, screaming. Chris Rock jumps off the cliff, screaming. David Spade jumps off the cliff, screaming. Kevin James jumps off the cliff screaming. Splash! Splash! Splash! The crowd gasps. SPLAAAAAAAAASH! HA HA KEVIN JAMES IS FAT! He lands on David Spade, who screams, "I was inside you! AHHHHHHHHHH!"
I rest my case, Your Honor.
It's A Long Weekend:
Rocky Horror Picture Show star Tim Curry is recovering at home following a major stroke. Get well soon, Frank-N-Furter!
This is basically the background story to Robocop.
The I-5 bridge over the Skagit River in Washington has collapsed after a truck hit the bridge. That's kind of scary.
This 9-year-old child would make a better mayor than Rahm Emanuel right now.
Somebody at Lego built a life-sized, 5-million-brick model of a Rebel X-Wing fighter. Neat!
[Content Note: Rape culture.]
So, the President gave the commencement address at the US Naval Academy today, and I was pretty excited when I heard that he'd addressed sexual assault in the military during the address. And then I read the transcript. Toward the end of the speech came this:
Our military remains the most trusted institution in America. When others have shirked their responsibilities, our Armed Forces have met every mission we've given them. When others have been distracted by petty arguments, our men and women in uniform come together as one American team.Listen, I am grateful that the President of the United States acknowledged that there is a sexual assault problem in the US military. But I am deeply unhappy that the way he addressed it was to say that it weakens the military and threatens the country's security, without any acknowledgment of the victims of sex crimes at all. How about don't sexually assault people because it's fucking wrong, because it hurts the people who are sexually assaulted.
And yet, we must acknowledge that even here, even in our military, we've seen how the misconduct of some can have effects that ripple far and wide. In our digital age, a single image from the battlefield of troops falling short of their standards can go viral and endanger our forces and undermine our efforts to achieve security and peace. Likewise, those who commit sexual assault are not only committing a crime, they threaten the trust and discipline that make our military strong. That's why we have to be determined to stop these crimes, because they've got no place in the greatest military on Earth.
This is the same problem with the rhetoric around giving women et. al. reproductive choices because it's good for their families and for the economy. There's always got to be some bigger, more important reason—that is, a compelling reason that affects men—to provide healthcare and safety and decency for women. (Not that the only victims of military sexual assault are women.) Treating women decently is never reason enough on its own to do it.
On its own, this passage was bad. But it was surrounded by a lot—a lot—of axiomatic honor talk. Preceding the above passage:
Today, each of you can take enormous pride, for you've met the mission of this Academy. You've proven yourselves morally, living a concept of honor and integrity—and this includes treating one another with respect and recognizing the strength of every member of your team.And following it:
I'm absolutely confident that you will uphold the highest of standards, and that your courage and honor and your commitment will see us through, and that you will always prove yourselves worthy of the trust our nation is placing in you today.As but two examples. It's a strange message indeed to implore people to act ethically when you bookend that request with unqualified reassurances that they are already perfect models of unassailable integrity.
But the worst part of all was this, from the President's opening statements:
To the entire Brigade of Midshipmen—you embody the highest virtues of this venerable institution. And yet, I know that some of you at times have enjoyed yourselves at other local institutions like McGarvey's and Armadillo's. (Applause.) But today is a day of celebration—and also forgiveness. And so, in keeping with tradition, I declare all midshipmen on restriction for minor conduct offenses are hereby absolved. (Laughter and applause.) As always, Admiral Miller gets to decide what's "minor." (Laughter.) Some of these guys are laughing a little nervously about that. (Laughter.)Ha ha boys will be boys, amirite? Silly scamps.
The US military has a sexual violence problem. Many incidences of sexual violence at military academies in particular follow cadets "enjoying themselves" at bars, or at alcohol-fueled parties. Many of the servicemembers victimized by sexual violence are discredited or dismissed if they have been drinking.
These "jokes" aren't happening in a void. They're happening in the center of an institution where sexual assault is not being taken seriously, where the very crimes the President is condemning are often written off as "minor infractions," if they're even addressed at all.
The US military has a sexual violence problem, and its Commander-in-Chief isn't helping.
Question for other people who live with dogs: Do any of you who have yards have dogs that prefer to spend time in the yard after dark rather than during the day? During the day, Dudley will be yapping at the back door to come back in 30 seconds after I let him out, but, once the sun goes down, he wants to spend an hour running around in the dark, lol. Every once in awhile, he'll enjoy a longer lie in the sunshine during the day, but he always prefers nighttime, irrespective of the time of year. Silly pooch.
Zelda, naturally, does whatever Dudley wants. And if she needs to go out during the day when he's too lazy to get up, she'll stay out there until I come and get her, often either just lying contentedly in the sunshine, or standing patiently and quietly at the backdoor. "Whatever you want! I'm cool! It's a day!"
As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to share pix of the fuzzy, feathered, or scaled members of your family in comments.
This blogaround brought to you by my sadness there was no new episode of Elementary last night.
Tami: All Hail the Queen? [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of racism, misogyny, and all kinds of body/behavior/choice policing.]
Kameron: We Have Always Fought: Challenging the "Women, Cattle, and Slaves" Narrative [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of misogyny, violence, racism, and privilege, and includes misogynist and racist slurs in discussion of dehumanization.]
Chaya: Walking the Tightrope: Good Indian Girls, Race, and Bad Sexuality [Content Note: The post at this link includes discussion of racism, colorism, and sexuality policing.]
Nicole: Women Making Moves: Interview with Sasha Ahuja
Fannie: On Avoiding the Comments
Angry Asian Man: Help Sikh Coalition Take Action Against Offensive Textbooks
Trudy: Kerry Washington Gives the Commencement Address at Her Alma Mater George Washington University
Charlie Jane: Why Wrath of Khan Is Still a Bloody Great Star Trek Movie
Two of my favies, Rashida Jones and Zooey Deschanel, both made their directorial debuts with music videos recently. Rashida Jones directed Sara Bareilles' video [CN: disablist comment at end of clip] for "Brave," and Zooey Deschanel directed She & Him's video for "I Could've Been Your Girl."
Leave your links and recommendations in comments...
[Content Note: Racism; violence; stalking; misogyny]
Richard Dawkins -- whom many of you know from his Dear Muslima letter wherein he blatantly appropriated the violent oppression of Muslim women in an attempt to silence an American feminist he disagreed with while at the same time making the racist assumption than "Muslim women" and "American women" are mutually exclusive groups -- has done a complete 180 today in announcing on Twitter that he cares about racism and sexism after all...
...as long as it's racism and sexism directed against white men, and as long as the "racism" and "sexism" on display are things like pointing out the race and sex of the privileged person, rather than normalizing privileged classes like 'white' and 'male' as the default and therefore without need of descriptors:
"insufferable smug white male making snide comments in loafers." Racism & sexism are fine, so long as they point in the right direction!
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) May 24, 2013
Learn to think clearly and use language precisely. You may JUSTIFY racism & sexism towards white males. But it's still racist & sexist.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) May 24, 2013
So many people incapable of drawing an elementary distinction: between racism and INSTITUTIONAL racism. Probably studied sociology.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) May 24, 2013
@richarddawkins It is sexist and also irrational to judge white males just because they are white males.
— Blue Sky (@EarthenBlueSky7) May 24, 2013
And maybe while he's at it he can explain why he, an adult white man, is immune from social condemnation for speaking positively about casual drug use and for using social media to post violent words and imagery, even while our society uses those things as an excuse to condemn young black men like Trayvon Martin, and how that isn't a function of his white male privilege.
[Content Note: In the first video, Lil' C uses a violent phrase which is understood by the show/dance community to be a compliment.]
So, on the last season of So You Think You Can Dance, one of the dancers who auditioned was a young man named Hampton Williams, who did his own freestyle variation that he calls the Exorcist. It was one of the most beautiful and moving things I've ever seen, and I cannot watch it, even after having watched it dozens of times, without crying. I could've sworn I wrote about him when he first appeared, but I can't find the post if I did, so here it is (again?):
Video Description: A thin, young, black man with long locked hair, wearing a black t-shirt and grey trackpants, does a freestyle hip-hop routine to Evanescence's "My Immortal," which ends with his miming taking out his heart and offering it to the audience. The judges are overwhelmed—Nigel Lythgoe tells him he might be a genius; Mary Murphy weeps; Lil' C comments on how vulnerable Williams made himself and bows to his performance. The audience gives him a rousing standing ovation. He is sent to Vegas.
Earlier this week, on the latest round of auditions for the new season, Hampton Williams returned, and this time he brought with him his girlfriend Dylesha (also trying out this season) and their 4-year-old daughter Kiera, to whom he'd taught his Exorcist style. Then this happened:
Video Description: Hampton Williams is introduced in voiceover by Cat Deeley as the last contestant of the day. Onscreen, he says, "My name is Hampton Williams. I'm 22. And I'm back for Season 10." There's a video package recounting his try-out the year before. Onscreen, Hampton says, "The reaction last year was astonishing. People tell me that I've made them cry; I've changed their life; I actually inspire them in some type of way. Just to do that, is just an accomplishment to me. People know me as the Exorcist—inspiring, touching, sometimes scary—but, back home, I'm just a dad." Scenes of Hampton playing with his daughter. "I live with my girlfriend Darlesha, and we have a beautiful daughter named Kiera." Darlesha, a young black woman, says, "Hampton's a great dad. He takes care of her, spends a lot of time with her; I mean, Kiera's his world. She's his everything." Scenes of the family at the park together. Hampton says: "If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't inspire anybody, because she inspires me."
Hampton takes the stage, and Kiera is shown in the audience, watching her dad and grinning proudly. The judges—Nigel, Mary, and guest judge Minnie Driver—greet him warmly and welcome him back. Nigel asks how his family is. Hampton says, "My family's great. My little girl is here today, and, uh—" Nigel asks where she is; Hampton points her out, and she waves at the judges. "Is she a dancer?" Nigel asks. Hampton replies, "Yes, yes she is. She's amazing, honestly. She's my inspiration." Nigel asks Kiera if she's going to dance for them, and she nods and takes the stage with her dad. Nigel directs her to microphone and asks how old she is. "Four," she replies. "And has Daddy taught you how to do the Exorcist dance?" Nigel asks. "Yes," says Kiera. "Ooh, has he?" says Nigel. "Can we see you dance now?" In the audience, Darlesha cheers. Kiera agrees to dance. Hampton moves off to the side, to give his daughter center stage.
"Cue music!" says Nigel, and the music begins. Kiera begins to dance in her father's style. After a moment, Hampton moves toward her and begins to dance with her. In the audience, Darlesha grins and cheers, and then moves onstage with them. All three of them are dancing in Hampton's signature style, and it is so beautiful. Kiera waves her hands like a wizard conjuring a ball of energy, then throws it toward her father, who reacts as if he has been knocked over by her strength. Kiera conjures another ball of energy, then throws it toward her mother, who reacts the same way.
Mary Murphy says she has chills. Members of the audience cheer; some are crying. The family continues to dance as if they are exchanging energy, as if Kiera is powerful. And she is. The room is on its feet, cheering. As the music comes to a close, the parents lift their daughter's face and kiss her cheeks.
Over a standing ovation, Nigel thanks them. He asks Kiera what it's like to dance with her parents. She almost can't explain: "It makes my mind go, and, I love my momma so much." Nigel asks Darlesha her name. "Darlesha Goggins," she replies. "This is an incredible family," Nigel says. "Just inspirational. Loved all three of you, I really did. This was a really moving experience." Cheers and applause. "The lucky thing is," continues Nigel, "there are three of you, and I've got one—" He holds up a ticket to Las Vegas, where the next round is held. "Two!" says Mary, holding up another ticket. "Three," says Minnie, holding up a third. "Three tickets! All three of you are going to Vegas!" The family react joyfully and hug each other.
Everything about Hampton's dancing just reaches down inside me and tugs something deep. But this moment, watching this little girl feel so powerful, watching her parents give her the gift of being empowered through art, just tore me to shreds. In the best way.
Heya Shakers! It's late spring/early summer here in the Northern Hemisphere (and late fall/early winter for Southern Hemisphere Shakers), so it seems like a good time to talk gardens again.
It's been a cooler, more prolonged spring than usual. So Southern cooler-weather flowers, like the California poppies at the top of the post, are still blooming, as are my nasturtiums. And I've had absolutely great luck with my winter-planted crops of radishes, lettuce, and peas:
The peas have gone great in salads--very sweet and crunchy when fresh. Unfortunately, cooler weather meant they got a bad case of aphids, which in turn led to red imported fire ants in the garden ("farming" the aphids). So I had to resort to some non-organic pesticide (Sevin) to get rid of the fire ants quickly. (When it comes to insects whose sting can kill me, I need to get rid of them quickly.) I've since returned to rounds of spinosad, neem oil, Bt, insecticidal soap, and pyrethins; hopefully I can continue with these less-toxic methods the rest of the summer. Last year I managed to attract a bunch of toads and American "chameleons" (really the Carolina anole), and I hope to again this year. They eat tons of bugs!
The strawberries are starting to get ripe, and although I think we'll only get a handful, they are DELICIOUS! Herbs are coming along well; I used fresh cilantro in our ground turkey burritos last night, and fresh basil and wild onion in some herb bread last week. The tomato plants, eggplant, and zucchini are starting to bloom, the corn is about a foot or two high, and the cucumbers, loofahs, and pumpkins are all getting vine-y. My melon crops haven't done as well, but I'm attributing that to the cooler weather. The zinnias and sunflowers are almost ready to bloom, and the cosmos are already going all out:
This weekend it looks like it's time for another round of weeding, feeding, mulching, and spraying. I've experimenting this year with newspaper and pine needles as mulch, since I have both in abundant supply at no extra cost. And of course, I will have able assistance from the Lesser American Garden Beaglemix, who stays on guard for me against squirrels, rabbits, and Giant Fanged Zebras. Since I've never even seen a Giant Fanged Zebra in the garden, I guess she's doing an exceptional job:
What about you, Shakers? Do you have a garden growing, or are you helping someone else with one? Is it outside, inside, or on the roof? In a bed or in some pots? Or if it's winter where you are, how did your fall harvest go? Feel free to share your garden stories, questions, pictures, and appreciation in the thread below!
[Commenting note: please respect that other commenters' priorities may be different from yours, whether space,cost, water, organic methods, yield, or something else. In this thread, there is no one way to garden. Thanks!]
In a vote yesterday, the Boy Scouts of America lifted their long-standing ban on gay/bi scouts. But they stopped short of lifting the ban on gay/bi adult Scout leaders.
The decision, which came after years of resistance and wrenching internal debate, was widely seen as a milestone for the Boy Scouts, a symbol of traditional America. More than 1,400 volunteer leaders from across the country voted, with more than 60 percent approving a measure that said no youth may be denied membership "on the basis of sexual orientation or preference alone."Ha ha BYE.
... The Scouts did not consider the even more divisive question of whether to allow openly gay adults and leaders. This drew criticism from advocates for gay rights, who called the decision a breakthrough but vowed to continue pressing the Scouts to allow gay members of all ages.
Some conservative churches and parents said the Scouts were violating their oath to be "morally straight" and said they would drop out.
Wayne Brock, the chief executive of the BCA, says the new policy, which takes effect in January of next year, "is not about what's legal but what's compassionate, caring, and kind." Which probably wouldn't sound quite so hollow if the Scouts weren't refusing to be "compassionate, caring, and kind" to the gay/bi adult members of their organization.
Although for many of the voting members, their support of the new policy might well have been about meaningful inclusion because it's right, the leadership of the Scouts knew that they had to make some concession for gay/bi Scouts if they didn't want to lose their corporate funding: "Several sponsors, including the UPS Foundation, Merck, the Intel Foundation, and many local United Ways and city agencies had already ended financing for the Scouts because the group's policies violated their own nondiscrimination guidelines."
Funny how suddenly compassionate the Boy Scouts' leadership got when they started hemorrhaging financial sponsors.
In any case, my congratulations to the gay/bi Scouts who have fought for inclusion for many, many years. And my condolences to the gay/bi adult Scout leaders who are still waiting for the right to participate without enforced secrecy.
[Content Note: Racism; violence; stalking.]
The AP reports that the defense team for George Zimmerman, who stalked and killed teenager Trayvon Martin, has released photos and texts from Martin's cell phone that they are hoping to be able to admit as evidence in trial to smear the victim:
Data released Thursday by the defense from slain Florida teenager Trayvon Martin's cellphone includes texts with a friend about fighting, smoking pot and being forced to move out of his mother's house because of trouble at school, as well as photos of a gun and what looks to be a potted marijuana plant.Well, if weed, inappropriate texts, and photos of flipping the bird are now evidence of being so violently dangerous that a random stranger is justified in murdering you, I am in real trouble.
A hearing next week will decide if the information can be used at the trial for George Zimmerman, who is charged with fatally shooting the unarmed 17-year-old last year during a confrontation at a gated community in Sanford. Prosecutors want the negative evidence omitted, but Zimmerman's defense attorney said if they try to portray his client as the antagonist and Martin as the victim, he wants to show the jury that Martin has talked about fighting before.
"If they had suggested that Trayvon is nonviolent and that George is the aggressor, I think that makes evidence of the fighting he has been involved with in the past relevant," said Mark O'Mara.
...The photos released by Zimmerman's defense team also show Martin blowing smoke and extending his middle finger to the camera.
Except, of course, I'm not in real trouble, because I'm not a teenage black boy who will be racially profiled, stalked, and murdered by a racist vigilante for walking down the street carrying iced tea and Skittles, and then my very common habits used to suggest I fucking deserved it, as if there could even be another "aggressor" besides the armed shithead in the SUV who followed and harassed and provoked and ultimately killed a kid in direct contravention of the police's request to stand down.
I know defense attorneys have a job to do, but find a goddamn way to do it without victim-blaming that entrenches the very prejudices and stereotypes that filled your client's belly with violent hatred in the first place.
I also know the AP's got reporting to do, but "negative evidence," seriously? I'll also note that the lede's "being forced to move out of his mother's house because of trouble at school" is clarified five paragraphs later as: "In the text messages, Martin tells a friend that his mother has told him he needs to move in with his father since he was caught skipping school." Huh. That sounds a lot less vaguely incriminating. Which I guess is why it didn't make the opening paragraph in this story about the "negative evidence" against totally typical teen Trayvon Martin.
Some of the headlines given to this AP story in various news outlets double-down on the "negative evidence" angle, but Huffington Post takes the fucking cake for this teaser:
Fuck you, HuffPo. Trayvon Martin isn't the one on trial here.
Trayvon Martin could have been the worst kid on the fucking planet. Or he could have been an angel. Or he could have been a dope-smoking, class-skipping, bird-flipping kid, who got into the occasional scuffle—that is, somewhere been the worst and the best, like most of us. It doesn't fucking matter. All that matters is that, that day, he was an unarmed kid who ended up dead care of a gun in the hands of a vigilante who profiled him, in total disregard for who he actually was.
[H/T to Shaker StarGlory.]
What is your favorite solitary game? Could be a card game (one of the many forms of Solitaire), a puzzle game, a word game, a video game, whatever. Just the think you most like to play when you want or need to amuse yourself with a game.
Tom Hardy and a Puppy Visit Al Johnson's Swedish Restaurant in Door County, Wisconsin, Where Goats Graze on the Grass Roof
"Tom," said the puppy, flicking its ears, "why is it that so many people try to fight oppression with the same kind oppression?" And Tom asked, "Do you mean people who think the answer to violence is more violence, or people who think combating body policing by making fun of the appearance of a body policer is an effective strategy, or people who try to justify exploitation with more exploitation?" And the puppy said, "Yes, exactly. I don't understand it. How can anyone calculate that more of the same bad thing is a solution to the bad thing?" And Tom said, "I don't know, puppy. One of the greatest barriers to dismantling oppression is the terrible instinct to replicate the oppression because we're so submersively indoctrinated in it that many of us can't comprehend an alternative." And the puppy said, "I need a hug." And so Tom gave him one.
Pope Francis says atheists aren't monsters. "Even the atheists" have the capacity for good. EVEN THE ATHEISTS. Well, I certainly feel relieved to have the Pope's validation that I can be a decent person.
The Lord created us in His image and likeness, and we are the image of the Lord, and He does good and all of us have this commandment at heart: Do good and do not do evil. All of us. "But, Father, this is not Catholic! He cannot do good." Yes, he can... The Lord has redeemed all of us, all of us, with the Blood of Christ: All of us, not just Catholics. Everyone! "Father, the atheists?" Even the atheists. Everyone!... We must meet one another doing good. "But I don't believe, Father, I am an atheist!" But do good: We will meet one another there.On the one hand, I appreciate that the Pope is telling Catholics that atheists aren't garbage demons. Thank you for doing the bare minimum, sir!
On the other hand, there are some problems with the message, not least of which is that I'm not sure that Pope Francis and I would define "doing good" in the same way. HA HA we definitely don't have the same ideas about "doing good" when it comes to reproductive rights advocacy or marriage equality! FOR EXAMPLE.
And, you know, I'm no more thrilled about being told I'm totes going to heaven ("you're so redeemed, lady; I will meet you in heaven for crumpets!") than I am about being told I'm going to hell. If you respect my right to be an atheist, then stop trying to shoehorn my life into your religiously-defined eternal fates.
For the record: "God loves you even though you're an atheist" isn't a compliment.
[H/T to Shaker newdealwithit.]
[Content Note: Choking death.]
WHUT. Below, the trailer for NBC's new zany comedy Save Me, starring Anne Heche as an irredeemable (OR IS SHE?!) party girl, who becomes a messenger of God after choking on a piece of food and then being resurrected. No, really.
As Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" plays, Anne Heche, a middle-aged blonde white woman, wearing a gold jacket, has been pulled over for drunk driving by a police officer. "Now touch your nose," he instructs her, shining a flashlight at her. She flops over and looks at him upside-down through her legs. "Wait—did you say nose or toes?" she asks.
Cut to Heche dancing on a table at a party and then dirty dancing with some dude, wearing a gold jacket and a cowboy hat. "Beth Harper was no angel," says a male voiceover. Cut to Heche, working as a meteorologist, pulling a pink bra from under her shirt and yelling excitedly as she waves it at the camera. "Until she choked," says the voiceover, as Heche drinks champagne straight from the bottle out of her fridge, then chokes on a bite of a leftover sandwich, "on a message from God."
Cut to Heche in a bathrobe, standing on her front lawn in the rain, lifting her arms and looking to the sky. Cut to Heche sitting at her kitchen table, telling a white man who appears to be her husband, "God saved me." He asks: "Now you're a prophet?" She laughs and nods: "Yes."
Cut to Heche making ta-daa! arms. "Anne Heche is spreading the word," says the voiceover. Cut to Heche pointing at a young white girl who appears to be her daughter, who asks, "What is going on?" Heche's head spins, and she gets a vision of her daughter making out with a boy in a car. "You and Ben Tompkins? Our next door neighbor!" Her daughter looks terrified and yells, "Dad!"
"In an inspired new comedy," says the voiceover. Cut to Heche out on her lawn in a storm, brandishing something. She points with it and yells, and a bolt of lightning hits some lady. Cut to Heche about to put on sunglasses (CARUSO!) and quipping at her husband, "God knows when you're naughty." He says: "That's Santa."
Cut to an image of Heche as an angel in white dress and wings with halo. "NBC's Save Me. Premieres Thursday, May 23, at eight, seven central," says the voiceover.
Hey, that's today! What luck! I can't wait to not watch it!
I think the thing I love most about this trailer is how it implies (and who knows what the actual show will be like; I'm sure it will be TERRIFIC, though!) that there's no one worse than a woman who refuses to settle down and be a good wife and mother (and is Heche's character irresponsible, or an actual alcoholic?—because, if it's the latter, whooooooops your conflation of addiction with "bad behavior"), and that being God's prophet in the modern age consists of harnessing nature to kill people, tossing off sanctimonious one-liners, and policing your daughter's sexuality. Sounds great!