I Write Letters

[Content Note: Misogyny.]

Dear Dudes:

You're not entitled to women's affection.

I know that's not what the Patriarchy tells you, and I know it's definitely not what MRA and PUA and other antifeminist men's movements tell you. But the voices and narratives from those places are lying.

You are not entitled to women's affection. Nor our attention, nor our bodies.

If that makes you hate and resent women, well, here's the thing: We notice that. Women are eminently capable of detecting men who do not like women. Who think that we are objects to be owned or consumed or fucked, but not individual human beings to be liked and loved.

You are not entitled to be liked by anyone, and especially by someone whom you will never like back.

Putting us on a pedestal is just as dehumanizing as treating us like worthless garbage. And women are keenly aware that men who put us on pedestals will flip like a lightswitch at the first sign of "imperfection" (i.e. humanity) and treat us like worthless garbage.

You are not entitled to be regarded as someone who likes and respects women if you put some of us on pedestals.

It's easier to put someone on a pedestal than it is to love someone wholly, in a very human way, which means loving them warts and all. But pedestals aren't safe, not for the people balancing precariously atop them. If you want a woman to like you, try offering her a chair.

The reality is this: If you fancy yourself a "Nice Guy," but you have the bitter taste of resentment in your mouth because you still can't find a woman to date you, stop blaming that on women and feminism and a culture that supports women's independence and all the other shit you are so certain is what's preventing you from owning the beautiful woman to which you're sure you're entitled.

If you want someone to want to date you, then make yourself a person someone would want to date.

In case it's escaped you: There aren't a lot of women looking to date a seething flesh-sack of hostile contempt for women.

Try liking women. See if your fortunes don't improve.

Best regards,
Liss