The Walking Thread

screen cap of a tall black male prisoner called Big Tiny being stalked by a zombie in the latest episode of The Walking Dead; the zombie's face has been replaced by a Mr. Yuck sticker
Watch out, Big Tiny!

(Spoilers lurch undeadly herein.)

This week's contemptuous sarcasm-filled recap of The Walking Dead brought to you in the form of QUESTIONS!

Are we certain this show isn't a comedy? I'm just saying: If it were actually a comedy, this show would make a lot more sense.

Did, in any episode previous, Hershel say that he would give his right leg to get away from zombies? Someone get the interns on this research STAT!

We don't have interns? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge.

How da fuck did Hershel not die and become a zombie? When am I going to get to use my Herschel Walker joke?!

How much do I have to pay Glenn in condoms or his zombiepocalypse currency of choice to kill Grimes? I WILL MAKE YOU A CONDOMAIRE, GLENN! Just do it.

Grimes: "There is no army. There's no government, no hospitals, no police—it's all gone." Is this show what "Imagine" was about? That song seems so much more meaningful now.

How long have those dudes been in prison? Is it longer than science has known where brains are located in the body? That seems like A LONG TIME. "We have been trapped in this cafeteria since CAESAR MARCVS AVRELIVS interred vs here!"

Why do they keep judging other groups of survivors by their most unstable member? (HA HA GRIMES IT'S CALLED PROJECTION!) "Sorry, Handlebar and Racist Nickname: We've already got a redneck and a black guy! HE'S CALLED T-DOG."

You're seriously gonna do CPR on someone who might be fixing to zombify any second? Come on, Lori. Get real.

Where do you think Lori keeps her Worst Wife Award, y'all? I bet it's inside that basketball under her shirt!

If, in fact, Walkeritis is a virus with which everyone is already infected, and it activates upon death, why does getting bitten by a zombie activate it, too, as if it's communicable? Ha ha that's rhetorical. I'm sure there's some tortured explanation for this, but I don't care because ugh this show!

Does Kevin Smith think we won't recognize him if he's not wearing a hockey jersey and jorts? Kevin Smith, we will still recognize you if you are not wearing a hockey jersey and jorts!

Technically, that last one was about the commercials/aftershow and not about the episode, but I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE IT NEEDED TO BE SAID.


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