Here is all the news I don't want to write about today!
There is the BIG NEWS that Iran is totally going to attack the US! It's true! Or not! It seems like I've heard this story before: The administration of a first-term president before a hotly contested election says that US intelligence has found that
In good news, the New York Times is partying like it's 2003, because they've already got a year of reporting covered c/o search and replace.
There is the news that Michele Bachmann exited the presidential campaign one million dollars in debt. And the news that Rick Perry blew through $15 million in the final months of his campaign, for presumably no purpose other than raising awareness about what a douche he is so he could LOSE FASTER! This is yet another golden opportunity for USians to consider how utterly fucked up it is that we do not have publicly financed elections or limited electoral seasons, and very rich people spend enormous amounts of money to get elected while other politicians who have already been elected argue in fancy buildings about how we don't have any money to provide healthcare, food, and housing to everyone in the country.
There is the news that former Florida Governor Charlie Crist might someday run again for office as a Democrazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Huntsman-Crist for President-VP of Napping!
There is the story about Janet Howell, a Virginia State Senator, who, to Make A Point, attached an amendment to a state mandatory ultrasound abortion bill "that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication." Hardy-har. Suffice it to say I don't find proposing the equivalent of a forced trans-vaginal sonogram law to be amusing, since it's little more than a sophisticated rape joke. I am, I trust it is evident, sympathetic to Howell's intentions, but I cannot get on board with fighting the nonconsensual control of the bodies of women and other people with uteri with a proposal for more of it, rather than less. Coercing a person to undergo an unnecessary vaginal probe to acquire a legal medical procedure is rape, and compelling an anal probe is no different.
There is news about ladies! The US women's soccer league's 2012 season has been cancelled less than 24 hours after the US women's national team qualified for the Olympics. If there's one thing we know how to do in America, it's treat women's sports like absolute shit!
There is the story of a man in Afghanistan, where we've been SPREADING FREEDOM for ten years and counting, who has reportedly strangled his wife after she failed to bear him a son. Three healthy daughters, though. Who now have no mother. Rage. Seethe. Boil.
There is this story about "three regulators [who] did indeed ring warning bells [about the subprime financial crisis]—at the right time, in the right places, and loud enough for other banking and financial system overseers," but were all ignored. Guess what they all have in common? Go on—guess! If you said they were all ladies, give yourself 1,000 points, redeemable at Shakesville's OMFG the Absurd Misogyny in the Year 2012 Shop!
There is, because I want to end on a hopeful note, this story about a potential breakthrough in cancer research and one patient's view of a future.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.