The Check-In

image of white, femme hands pouring a cup of tea and a white wood table, with space opposite as if inviting someone to sit down

I am having a hard time at the moment. [Content Note: Nativism; child abuse.] I spent almost the entirety of my last therapy appointment on the verge of sobbing, talking about children being tortured in concentration camps, and how impotent I feel to stop any of the vast harm the Trump Regime is doing, and how terrifying and infuriating it is to me how disengaged most of the population is, and what a toll it's taking on my health to sit in this malice for at least 10 hours every day, and how shitty I feel even saying that when there are immigrants in unfathomable suffering at the southern border and in facilities across the country, not to mention everything else that's happening and everyone else who is hurting, and how goddamned filled with rage and grief I am just all the time.

And I feel very lucky to have a therapist who is very kind and very good at her job, and lets me boil over like a too-full, too-hot, too-much teapot, so that I can get back to doing the work I can't imagine not doing in this moment.

I continue to feel like the world is shifting out from under my feet and I'm about to topple over.

I am feeling increasingly anxious about the 2020 election, and I just want the Democratic nominee to be someone, anyone, who will not try to out-Trump Trump. Not only because no one can out-Trump Trump, but also and mostly because I don't want a race to the bottom. I want to see decency and competence on display, no matter how quaint it may seem these days. All of it still matters, even if it's rigged. Even if we lose, we can go down fighting with principle.

I am grateful for my sweet husband, for our home, for my friends, for all the times they make me laugh, and for Dudley and Zelda.

I am also, as always, glad for this community. Anyone who wants to join me in another enormous virtual group hug is welcome.

How are you?

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