[Content Note: Misogyny; safety.]
While Aphra_Behn was visiting, she and I had an interesting conversation about the men who purport to be feminist allies, but Other women so thoroughly in the process of trying to be our "allies" that they don't actually engage with women in a safe or supportive way.
Last night, Suey Park tweeted an observation of a similar nature that prompted me to talk about this a little more on Twitter. So, here's what I said, for those who aren't on Twitter or who missed it:
The men who talk a lot of talk about being a feminist, but don't actually treat women very well. Because they're too busy trying to save us. (link)
The men in my life who make me feel safest almost never *talk* about being feminists; they just *are*. (link)
Chivalry isn't feminism. (link)
The men I trust are sensitive to the fact that I'm a woman, but don't reduce me to my womanhood. (link)
The men with whom I feel safe treat me like Liss: A Person. One significant part of which is my womanhood. (link)
And they understand that my experience of womanhood is just mine. Not the universal experience of all women. (link)
Sometimes, of course, the Guys Who Talk a Lot of Talk are just guys who think they "get it," but really really don't, and sometimes it's a much more aggressive and insidious predation under the auspices of allyship, e.g. Hugɸ $chwyz3r.
I'm guessing we all have a lot of experience with this dynamic (which is not unique to the male/not-male binary of privilege and marginalization, although that is the particular subject of this thread), so have at it in comments!
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