Mitt: The Movie

I mentioned this new Netflix documentary about Mitt Romney's road to losing In the News, but, for anyone who didn't click through or can't view video or whatever, and all of us who can't get enough Mitt Romney, here is the trailer, with description:


String music. Mitt Romney sits on a beige couch in a beige room, looking at his mobile phone. "I just can't believe you're gonna lose," says a man, offscreen. "Yeah," says Romney, with major shucks-face. Cut to his family sitting around the beige room, looking despondent. "So what do you think you say in a concession speech?" Romney looks around. No one answers. Everyone looks grim. "By the way," he says, "someone have the number for the President?" Another man offscreen says, "I do." Mitt Romney laughs. "Okay ha ha ha. I hadn't thought about that."

Piano music. Text onscreen: "A Netflix Documentary." Cut to Mitt Romney standing in front of a giant flag! I'm not even kidding!


HA HA DID I MAKE THIS DOCUMENTARY?
Text onscreen: "For 6 years, one filmmaker had exclusive access to Mitt Romney." #dreamjob

Cut to one of Romney's sons saying, "If you don't win, we'll still love you." He continues, over montagery of riding in a van, Romney hugging little white kids (maybe his grandkids?), fixing his tie in a mirror, and holding a white baby at a rally: "The country may think of you as a laughingstock, and we'll know the truth, and that's okay." Great pep talk! A+.

Cut to Romney in a chair getting make-up applied. He says in voiceover, "This is a very different setting than any of the debates we've held so far." Cut to Romney sitting on a debate stage talking to his team. "A dining room conversation is among members of the family. These are all people competing for the same job."

Cut to Romney in a car. "How in the world do we find these things out the day of the debate?" he asks exasperatedly. Cut to one of his sons, sitting in a nondescript room, who says, "He hates to disappoint." Cut to Romney standing in front of a mirror, ironing his sleeve. Like, while his arm is in the sleeve. Offscreen, a female voice asks, "Are you gonna iron it on you, seriously?" Laughter. He dabs the iron on his coatsleeve. "It's working!" Dab dab. "Ouch." Offscreen, a male voice says, "This may not end well."

Montagery. Romney stands stiffly in front of a TV camera beneath a bright light. The Romney family walks on the tarmac at dawn. Or dusk. Wevs. Footage of Romney with Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich at a debate. (Ha ha remember the Four Horsemen of the Crapocalypse?! Good times.) In voiceover, a male anchor (Brian Williams, I think?) says: "A recent poll said that 43% of Americans are not even sure who you are."

Cut to Romney in another beige room, in front of a beige painting. "The flipping Mormon," he says, and smiles.

Cut to a reporter asking Romney in what looks like a church basement, "How did you feel on the stage?" Romney replies, "I was dying," and smiles.

Cut to Ann Romney saying to the camera, "I would not want to do this again. It's too much."

Cut to Romney laying down on the floor between seats on an airplane or train or something, and pulling a blanket over himself with the help of an assistant. In voiceover, he says, "I have looked, by the way, at what happens to anybody in this country who loses as the nominee of their party." Cut to Romney in a beige room holding a microphone, finishing the thought. "They become a loser for life." He makes the loser L sign on his forehead with his hand. Laughter. "All right? There's no—all right, that's it. It's over."

Guitar music. Footage of a Romney rally. People cheer. Text onscreen: "From producer Seth Gordon of the Academy Award winning documentary Undefeated."

Cut to Romney in a car, saying, "Barack Obama has changed our race, has changed our prospects." I assume he means the presidential race and not the white race. Cut to Romney sitting in front of a ROMNEY FOR GOVERNOR sign, listening to his iPad, then to Romney in another beige room, saying, "He's a very good debater; he's a lot better than the other guys. He's a much more effective debater than they are." Footage of Romney and President Obama shaking hands before a debate.

Patriotic music. Footage of a Romney rally. Text onscreen: "Whatever side you're on."

Cut to Romney lying in the snow. A kid comes and jumps on him and they roll down a hill. Cut to Ann rumpling his hair. Cut to his son in the nondescript room now saying, "He's getting beat up constantly—oh, Mitt Romney's a flip-flopper, he's this, he's that, and I go, 'Man, is this worth it?'" Cut to Romney, praying.

Cut to Mitt and Ann standing at a window in a beige room, and Mitt pats her bum. Text onscreen: "See another side."

Cut to Romney standing awkwardly in a hallway. In voiceover: "And it's like trying to convince people that Dan Quayle is smart. All right? You're not gonna convince 'em that Dan Quayle is smart!" Cut to Romney grinning in another fucking beige room. Romney followed by press. Romney deplaning. Romney in OMFG ANOTHER BEIGE ROOM, continuing his thought: "And that maybe I can't live with that. 'Oh, you flip on everything.' In which case, I think I'm a flawed candidate."

Cut to a Romney rally at which Romney is speaking. Text onscreen: "A film by Greg Whiteley."

Cut to the perspective of someone deplaning at an event. A male announcer says, "Please welcome the next president and first lady—" As Mitt and Ann Romney leave the plane, people begin to cheer. They wave.

Cut to Romney with his head in his hand, scratching his forehead. Offscreen, his son says, "A year ago, we told you that we'd love you no matter how this thing turned out, and—" Romney looks up and smiles. "And now you're not so sure?" His son says, "And now we're not so sure." Romney family hijinks!

Text onscreen: "MITT."