Mitt Romney, just doing normal campaign stuff.
In today's totally trenchant election news, Team Romney has launched its first general election ad campaign, and, naturally, it's hilarious. The spot opens with the question, "What would a Romney presidency be like?" HA HA TERRIBLE! That is definitely the perfect question to ask—the one that makes me LOL and yell "SO TERRIBLE! HIS PRESIDENCY WOULD BE THE WORST!"
Text Onscreen: "What would a Romney Presidency be like?" (HA HA GARBAGE!)Text in parentheses mine, in case that wasn't evident.
Male voiceover, over images of Romney campaigning: "What would a Romney Presidency be like?" (HA HA VILE!)
Text Onscreen: "Day 1."
Male voiceover, over images of industry and people working, then over more images of Romney campaigning: "Day one—President Romney immediately approves the Keystone Pipeline, creating thousands of jobs that Obama blocked. (Please note how candidate Romney is called PRESIDENT ROMNEY, but President Obama is called OBAMA. Subliminal messaging I get, but holy lord that is some disrespectful shit, right there.) President Romney introduces tax cuts and reforms that will reward job creators, not punish them. President Romney issues orders to begin replacing Obamacare with common sense healthcare reform. That's what a Romney presidency will be like. (A dictatorship that evidently disbands Congress? Cool.)
Mitt Romney voiceover, over black and white photograph of him holding hands with his wife: I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message.
What a terrific campaign advert! Good job, Mitt Romney! You continue to be the best that the GOP has to offer, apparently.
In other news, Newt Gingrich is back on the campaign trail, to convince his supporters to back Mitt Romney, whom Gingrich spent the entire campaign viciously attacking. Mitt Romney is so pleased, I'm sure.
Mitt Romney has also started vetting his veep picks. Ha ha pick Sarah Palin! She's great!
Meanwhile, President Obama is out there in the world, doing his thing. Which, during the election, will mainly consist of not being Mitt Romney.
Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.