Primarily Dreadful

image of Mitt Romney in a plane smiling and saying 'Ha ha this jet is so funny. It doesn’t even have one elevator! When do we leave for the moon?'

Well, that picture was about all the funny I could muster this morning. So here's the news, without my usual abundance of snarky commentary.

"Oh noes how will I live without your witty repartee?!"—Everyone on the entire planet, I'm sure.

CBS: Axelrod: Romney "Oblivious" to Everyday Life. Yes, yes he is. I'm glad to see the Obama campaign is taking this line of attack against Romney. 1. It's true. 2. It's obvious. 3. It's not a problem that can be easily fixed—although if the Romney campaign sold tickets to an informational session where Mitt's handlers tried to get him up to speed on how average USians live, I would definitely buy one, just to see the look on Mitt's face when they get to the "some people have zero cars and zero elevators" flashcard.

Think Progress: Santorum Claims California Universities Don’t Teach American History. And he would definitely know, because he is a tenured professor of Smartoloy at Genius University.

ABC News: Ann Romney Says Campaign Will 'Unzip' the Real Mitt. That is literally what she said. Insert all of the jokes here. ALL OF THEM.

USA Today: Poll: Santorum Leads in Pennsylvania Amid Signs of Change. Hope and change, or just change? What kind of change? The kind that makes people want to vote for Rick Santorum? Whoooooooops! That is not the change we're looking for. #jedishit

The Hill: Romney Struggles to Put Santorum Away. That headline means, naturally, that Mitt Romney is struggling to win decisively enough to make Rick Santorum drop out of the race, but I am nonetheless picturing Mitt Romney struggling to make Rick Santorum stay in a giant cupboard labeled "Garbage Nightmares." Romney keeps pushing Santorum in and trying to close the door, but Santorum keeps wriggling out one limb and then pushing it back open again. It's kind of like when I try to keep the cats and dogs out of the bathroom when I want to take a shit in peace for a change.

Washington Post: Romney Confronted Over Mormon Doctrines. He was asked if he believed his religion's teaching that interracial marriage is wrong. He "replied to his question with a terse 'No.' Later, Romney said that he would talk only about the practices of his faith, not its doctrines." Somehow I think that rule's going to last precisely as long as until the next time someone asks him about posthumous baptisms.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short. Too bad you can't talk about these things or any other things right now because James Franco Disqus.

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