Vloggin' with Blogginz, Episode 6

The most random and ridiculous conversation of all time. Top Chef. The Rock. Republican douchebags. John McCain and our continuing fear of him. We are babbly things.

[Episodes One, Two, Three, Four, Five.]

[Also available at Daily Motion. Full transcript below.]
Title Card: Vloggin' with Blogginz

KBlogz: I just can't get into Top Chef this season.

Liss: Why not?

KBlogz: I don't know. I just don't care about any of the contestants.

Liss: [laughs] But what about Mike Isabella?

KBlogz: [shrugs] Ehhhhh...

Liss: He should really be on Tool Academy, let's be honest.

KBlogz: Yeah, let's get real for a second.

Liss: Um, if you could, um, invent one challenge—either a QuickFire or an Elimination Challenge, what would it be?

KBlogz: It would be— Okay, it's—it'd be promotion, like a promotional episode, like they did for Lost?

Liss: Right.

KBlogz: Except it's—

Liss: You mean the one where they had the producers of Lost on and cooked for them?

KBlogz: Yeah.

Liss: Mm-hmm.

KBlogz: And, but this time, it's like cooking for the Hulk, because of The Hulk 2!

Liss: [laughs] Uh-huh. Is Edward Norton in that one, too?

KBlogz: I don't know.

Liss: Okay.

KBlogz: I don't even think it's being planned, but...

Liss: Oh! [bursts out laughing] I was like, how have I not heard about this?! Go on.

KBlogz: Well, he has talked about being in The Avengers movie, so maybe they can work both into the—

Liss: Yeah, okay.

KBlogz: —cooking challenge.

Liss: Uh-huh.

KBlogz: And basically the contestants just have to try to figure out what the Hulk would like to eat [Liss laughs] and Edward Norton has the privilege of being able to smash the room that he's in if he doesn't like his dish.

Liss: Ooh. That's good.

KBlogz: And he's painted green.

Liss: Mm-hmm.

KBlogz: And he's shirtless.

Liss: I think he's kind of a jerk, so that probably would work.

KBlogz: I don't know about that, but... [shrugs]

Liss: Even if he's just himself.

KBlogz: And then Robert Downey, Jr. and whoever they get to play Captain America, like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson would come in and subdue them.

Liss: That— I hope they get him to play Captain America! I love him!

KBlogz: Oh, okay. He's in The Tooth Fairy.

Liss: [laughs] He is?

KBlogz: Yeah.

Liss: You know, I'm kinda disappointed, though; I read recently that he's a Republican.

KBlogz: [nods] He is a Republican.

Liss: But he's pro gay marriage...?

KBlogz: Well, there you have it.

Liss: Hmm.

KBlogz: I remember seeing him at like a, I don't know, like a cross-burning or something, no, like a Republican Convention [Liss laughs], and he was like, "Can you smell what Sarah Palin is cooking?" or something.

Liss: [sadly] Awwwwwww.

KBlogz: Maybe I'm just making that up.

Liss: [laughs] He is kind of an enigma, though; I can't believe that he's a Republican. Why—

KBlogz: He's like, "We're gonna body-slam taxes!"

Liss: I was gonna say: Why are so many wrestlers Republicans? Do you have a theory on this?

KBlogz: Because a lot of 'em are douchebags?

Liss: Ohhh! [laughs] Of the Venn diagram of douchebags and Republicans, there's a lot of overlap, is what you're telling me?

KBlogz: [mimes overlap] The overlap is wrestlers.

Liss: [laughs] But aren't there more Republican douchebags than just wrestlers? What about Glenn Beck?

KBlogz: He's a wrestler! Don't you know that?

Liss: No.

KBlogz: He's the White Tornado.

Liss: [laughs] I've never heard that before.

KBlogz: Well, that might be because he's a luchedore, and you don't—you can't recognize him—

Liss: That's true.

KBlogz: —because of his [passes hand over face] mask. [pronounces "mask" like "mahhhsk"]

Liss: [laughs] And his patriotic sweaters.

KBlogz: Yeah. [nods] Those are— He doesn't wear those in the ring, so... It's kinda like his robe that he takes off. [mimes pulling a sweater over his head]

Liss: Fascinating.

KBlogz: That's like a switch, and when, when the sweater comes off [mimes pulling a sweater over his head] it's time to get—you can get a suplex.

Liss: What does, um, what is Lou Dobbs' wrestling identity?

KBlogz: Pale Thunder.

Liss: [laughs] Pale Thunder.

KBlogz: Caucasian Fists [Liss laughs] of Terror.

Liss: Um, Rick Perry? Governor Rick Perry of Texas?

KBlogz: I don't know what his identity is.

Liss: Oh, you don't?

KBlogz: It's top secret.

Liss: Oh. Mitt Romney?

KBlogz: Uhh...

Liss: The Mormonator?

KBlogz: [laughs] Totally.

Liss: How about John McCain?

KBlogz: Uh... Ooh. I dunno. I don't think he should be wrestling.

Liss: I don't think so, either. He's too mean! [KBlogz nods.] He would literally tear people limb from limb.

KBlogz: You could make a movie out of that, like, it would be like the latest Rocky film, where he wants to get back into fighting, but everyone's like, "You're too old, John McCain!" and he's like: [makes fists and talks in mean voice] "Don't tell me I'm too old!"

Liss: Yeah, that's a good story.

KBlogz: Do you like that screenplay I just wrote?

Liss: Yeah. [KBlogz nods.] You know, I have to tell you that I don't think John McCain was too old to be president...only because I think that John McCain is gonna live to be 300.

KBlogz: He— I feel like—

Liss: He is TENACIOUS.

KBlogz: —if Death came for him, he would put him in a headlock and get a bunch of bargains out of him.

Liss: A bunch of bargains?

KBlogz: Yeah. [They both laugh.] He would bring other, like, Republicans back to life.

Liss: Yeah. He probably would.

KBlogz: Death would just learn that it's just not productive to go visit him, because—

Liss: So John McCain's wrestling name might be the Reanimator.

KBlogz: [shrugs] I guess so. That's kinda, uh, convoluted, but yeah.

Liss: [laughs] But if you had on YouTube the video of Death being put in a headlock, then people would understand.

KBlogz: Okay!

Liss: The word can be explained via YouTube very easily.

KBlogz: That's true. 'Cuz I hear "Reanimator" and I think, "What is he, like, a necromancer or something?"

Liss: Yeah.

KBlogz: I suppose that's basically the gist of it.

Liss: Yeah.

KBlogz: He could get, like, other, like, Republican heroes to fight with him.

Liss: Like Dick Cheney?

KBlogz: Yeah, but like dead ones.

Liss: Like Dick Cheney?

KBlogz: Yeah. [laughs]

Title Card: The End!!!

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