Jon Stewart [in fat suit including "fat face" prosthetic]: Heh-heyyyyyyy! All right! We are back, baby! Three-week break, longest break in the show's history, but tonight's show is a winner—the great LeBron Jaaaaaaaaames is gonna be on the program tonight; we're very excited; it's gonna be awesome—
John Oliver: Whoa, whoa, Jon, Jon—
Stewart: John Oliver, ladies and gentlemen!
Stewart: John Oliver's back!
Stewart: We're all back!
Oliver: We're all back.
Stewart: John Oliver! Yes!
Oliver: Some of us more than others. What happened to you?!
Stewart: Uh, I'm sorry?
Oliver: You're fat!
Stewart: I got what?
Oliver: You are fat. Uppercase F fat.
Stewart: There's no reason for your words like that.
Oliver: Well, what happened?
Stewart: Well, I was down at the Jersey Shore; I may have gone off my diet for a couple of days, but...
Oliver: No shit. No shit you went off your diet.
Stewart: Uh... I don't think there's any reason for that— [A beeper goes off and Stewart holds up a finger to stop proceedings then reaches under his desk.]
Oliver: What was that?
Stewart: Snaaaaack tiiiiiime! [He pulls out a tray with a sandwich and two milkshakes on it.]
Oliver: Oh, please no. [Inaudible] you're hungry.
Stewart: Jersey Shore breakfast of champions.
Oliver: What've we got here?
Oliver: Yeah—and what's that one?
Stewart: Uh, that's a cheesesteak milkshake.
Oliver: Ooh. I am repulsed. [Stewart goes to take a bite of the sandwich.] Please, Jon, at least let us use the Williams filter on the cameras.
Stewart: The Williams filter?
Oliver: Yeah, it's the camera effect that Brian Williams uses to make himself look normal on TV.
Stewart: Brian Williams is, uh, a big man?
Olivier: Oh, god, he's absolutely enormous. In fact, the only way he got his job was by eating Tom Brokaw.
[Badly Photoshopped picture of Brian Williams' head on a very fat man's body. The audience howls with horror and laughs.]
Oliver: That's a fact.
Stewart: It's certainly easier than working out. Can we try the Williams filter?
Oliver: Yeah. Just give it a go to... [moves his hands together as if to indicate shrinking size]
Stewart: If we—I'd just like to give it a try.
Oliver: [points at Stewart's head] This is the problem here.
Stewart: Can you give me a little—? Let me give you an anchor pose while we do it.
Oliver: [makes disgusted face as Stewart moves] Ugh. Your suit's ripping.
[A "lens" comes into view and fuzzes out Stewart and Oliver. When it pulls back, Stewart is no longer in the fat suit and prosthetic. The audience goes wild.]
Stewart: [looks pleased] Eh!
Oliver: There you go. There you go. Pretty good.
Oliver: That's not bad. There you go.
Stewart: I like it! That worked pretty well.
Oliver: You're back!
Stewart: Wait a minute.
Stewart: If we're using that filter, shouldn't you then look even skinnier?
Oliver: Oh, I'm not actually here. Uh, I'm a hallucination brought on by your obesity-induced diabetes. [audience laughter] Well, gotta go! [blows glitter out of hands and skips away; audience cheers]
Stewart: Yeah, baby! We gotta good show for ya! We're back— Can I see that picture one more time, of me without the filter?
[Image of Stewart in fat suit and prosthetic; audience laughs.]
Stewart: Oh! I just want my kids to know how I'll look at their graduations. All right.
Posted by Melissa McEwan at Thursday, September 17, 2009
A few people have mentioned this in comments over the past couple of days; here is the clip from Monday's The Daily Show of Jon Stewart in a fat suit after having "gone off his diet" for a few weeks during their hiatus. Transcript below. Discuss.
Labels: Today in Fat Hatred