Baby's First Blog

[This post was originally published August 24, 2006, and I was put in mind of it by this post by Dodai at Jezebel today.]

Recently, Mama Shakes has, in cleaning out various parts of Parental Manor, unearthed some rather amusing stuff from my childhood, like a first- (or second-) grade essay called "My Mom is Sexey," featuring the memorable couplet: [Mama Shakes] is her name / And loving is her game. Apparently, I was suffering under the misapprehension that my mother was a prostitute.

She also found an old diary that had been a Christmas present from her and my dad, which I began on January 1, 1984. The last entry is March 19, and it had gotten pretty sporadic around February 5, but the solid month of sharing my thoughts at age 9 provided me with no small amount of amusement while re-reading it in my 30s. The funniest thing was seeing my adult personality already taking shape. Here are some of my favorite entries, in their entirety, with the original spelling and punctuation. See if you can find where I might reference "a case of the vapors" or the need for a fainting couch, if only my vocabulary had been a bit more sophisticated!

January 3, 1984: It's 7:15pm. Today was a good day. It was back to school day though. And I haven't done my homework! Oh boy. Gotta go. Get back to ya later. PS. My homework assignment was Math, p. 130.

January 11, 1984: Today was fun. Before bed we watched a show about monkeys. It was good.

January 15, 1984: Today was a good day. I found out Webster is really 12 years old. I can't believe it! He's only 40 inches tall! His older brother was 40 in. tall until he got in the middle of 9th grade! I also watched Knight Rider tonight. It was stupid, and about people getting killed (what else), and sex (between Michael & Lorin), and jewelry. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! See ya tomorrow.

January 17, 1984: Today was a good day. As I—oops, I forgot to tell you, I quit Girl Scouts. Well anyway, David, he gets hurt every single day in school. I just about fainted when I heard the news today. HE DIDN'T GET HURT! I couldn't believe it. I think I'll talk to ya later. See ya. P.S. [My little sister's] first front tooth came out today.

January 18, 1984: Today was nice. Like yesterday, though, a miracle happened. Ha! A miracle at Central School. I never! Whoo. Well anyway, here's the other miracle. Me, Amy, Sarah, Jennie, all of us were ready. Usually (see Jan. 5) Jennie is late or both Sarah and Jennie are late. Neither of us, Amy and I, are ever late! Well, maybe once in a blue moon! But otherwise, never! I couldn't believe it today! After school, it was the talk of the day.

January 20, 1984: Today after school was fun trading stickers with Mrs. Martinsen. I got some good stickers and gave her some good ones. Today I also wrote a story so stupid, I threw it away. So as you can tell, a day is never quite perfect. In PE today, I went against Marci in Steal the Bacon. We were number 8. I smeared her. Our team won of course. Marci was a brat in gym to Jennifer today. When I find out where she lives, I'll smear her face in!

January 25, 1984: Today was a good day. I played "Star Wars." It's the darkside and the, I guess, lightside. You know, stormtroopers and Luke Skywalker's side. I was on the Darkside. I think tomorrow I might play on the Lightside.

Total Geek.

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