Assvertising

This advert has apparently being airing for awhile during various sporting events, but since the only sport I watch is baseball, I've only just started seeing it. It's for a convenience store chain called "AM PM," the tagline for which is "Too Much Good Stuff," and all of their adverts play into that idea of their having too much good stuff, like a guy wandering around who wants to know where the shopping carts are because there's "too much good stuff!" (picture the absurdity of asking for a cart in a gas station convenience store) or a guy who's so distracted by all the good stuff that when he returns to the car, his girlfriend, who didn't appear pregnant when he left, looks ready to give birth at any moment (har har).

But eventually, after they'd exhausted every variation on there being "too much good stuff" in their stores, they moved on to any old vignette featuring "too much good stuff." In this one, the "stuff" by which a couple of roommate dudebros are overwhelmed is—wait for it—women! Because of course women are consumable items, just like beef jerky and slurpies, except you can fuck 'em!

[Transcript below.]
Ho ho—not only are they plentiful, but these awesome bitchez like sports and are evidently so desperate to live with a couple of random douchebags that they'll pay above asking price for a shitty room that practically couldn't be given away to anyone else. What luck for these deserving dudez!

What can I say that I haven't said already eight gazillion times? Sigh.

[Roombro 1 is sitting on the couch holding a Nerf football and watching telly when Roombro 2 walks in.]

Roombro 1: Dude, good news. Found a roommate.

Roombro 2: Finally. [Sits down on opposite end of couch from Roombro 1.]

Roombro 1: And—we're getting more rent than we asked for.

Roombro 2: For the little room?!

[Door opens; beautiful blond girl walks in behind them.]

Roombro 1: Here she comes.

Roombro 2: She?

[They turn to gawk; she smiles and waves.]

Female roommate: Hi! I'm Chrissy! [She sits in between them on the couch; Roombro 2's mouth hangs open as he leers at her.] Oh, and I hope you guys don't mind that I invited some friends over!

[She shrugs playfully; Roombro 2 continues to gape, open-mouthed. Door opens; beautiful brunette girl walks in.]

Brunette friend: Chrissy?

Chrissy: Hey! [She waves her over.] Come in!

Brunette friend: Hey! [She walks in, followed by two more pretty girls, who greet the guys, then squeeze in around them, so they are surrounded by girls.]


Male voiceover: You can never have too much good stuff. AM PM: Too much good stuff.

Friend: You guys mind if we put the game on?

Other girls: Yeah! Yeah!

[The guys look at each other wide-eyed, as if they've hit the jackpot.]

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six", Forty-Seven, Forty-Eight, Forty-Nine, Fifty, Fifty-One,Fifty-Two, Fifty-Three,Fifty-Four, Fifty-Five, Fifty-Six, Fifty-Seven, Fifty-Eight, Fifty-Nine, Sixty, Sixty-One, Sixty-Two, Sixty-Three, Sixty-Four, Sixty-Five.]