Nutriaeconomics or, A Conversation

Melissa and I were talking the other day about Warrant, those ridiculous hair farmers who sang the ridiculous hair farmer anthem "Cherry Pie." (And no, don't ask, it's a long story.) After discussing Jani Lane and Bret Michaels, the conversation continued on something like this:

Liss: Speaking of shitty bands, Iain ran into my girlfriend C at Walgreens the other day, and she told him to tell me that there's a ticket to the New Kids on the Block reunion tour with my name on it. But get this: It's EIGHTY-TWO FUCKING DOLLARS!

Deeky: What? Huh? Who says "Tell Melissa I got her a ticket for the New Kids on the Block reunion tour!" and expects that to be good news?

Liss: Well, we used to go to NKOTB concerts when we were like thirteen or whatever, so she thought it would be fun and nostalgic. Which it would have been...for, like, forty bucks. But eighty-two?! Who do they think they are — Menudo?!

Deeky: Seriously.

Liss: Whatevs.

Deeky: You should go. And blog about it.

Liss: (laughs) I'd have to do a fundraiser to pay for the ticket. "Help send me to the New Kids reunion tour!"

Deeky: (laughs)

Liss: Eighty-two dollars — harrumph. Dude, I could get like FIVE nutria skulls for that!

Deeky: (laughs harder)

Liss: Now that I've found out a nutria skull can be bought for only thirteen bucks**, I'm measuring everything in how many nutria skulls I could buy with it. It's like how the Brits weigh themselves in stones.

Deeky: And what the fuck is that all about? What is that, fourteen pounds? What kind of number is that?

Liss: "Jesus Christ, this breadmaker is fourteen nutria skulls! I saw one in K-mart last week that was only eight nutria skulls!"

Deeky: (laughs)

Liss: I wonder how many nutria skulls one ronpaulbuxxx can buy?

Deeky: Half.

Liss: Is this the dumbest conversation in the history of humankind, do you think?

Deeky: No. People discussing Ron Paul seriously are having stupider conversations.

Liss: Fair point.

** FYI, I am often scouring eBay for post-punk 45s, the occasional pickled fetus, rare collectibles (hookahs, Zuni fetish dolls, bronzed phalluses, what have you) with which to decorate Château Deeky. My finds and discoveries are often shared with Liss.

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