Durrr

I like CNN's very challenging and sophisticated, if unscientific, "Quick Vote" polls, because they give me so much to think about:


Well, gee—that's quite the philosophical conundrum! On one hand, I really like to vote for people who take stands on issues that make me feel warm and gooey inside, but, on the other hand, I really like to vote for people who have characters. Or are characters. Preferably both. Like George Clooney. What a guy!

I mean, what if there were a candidate who was feminist, pro-diversity and multiculturalism, an LGBTQ ally, antiwar, advocated for universal healthcare and energy independence, and all that good stuff, but was a heinous puppy-murderer on the weekends? Or what if there were a candidate who was honest, intelligent, ethical, and passionate, but championed a platform of white supremacy and a flat tax? There are just so many variables to contemplate when you wrench character from principle and force me to choose between them in an asinine hypothetical. Who am I over here—King Solomon?!

Darn you, CNN Quick Vote! You're gonna break my brain.

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