The Price of Satisfaction

The Village Voice (via Political Wire) has an interesting article about Robert Novak’s very own little lemonade stand. For the bargain basement price of $595, you can sign up to have a “100% off the record” meeting with Novak himself and unnamed members of Washington’s Power Elite. And there are no reporters, so those powerful and elite speakers can give 100% candid answers to the attendees’ questions. Now, frankly, I don’t have a whole lot of interest in hearing whatever nonsense the ragtag group of miscreants Novak manages to patch together have to say, but I’m thinking that $595 isn’t really that much to pay for the opportunity to give Novak a piece of mind, especially in front of an audience of people who pretend to like him so they can use him to promulgate their propaganda and eke a meager cut of each $595 collected in exchange for the dubious privilege of listening to their drivel without the safety net provided by an easily accessible barfbag. And get this: for an additional $395, I could bring a guest! You know what that means…? For $990, not only could I let loose on Novak with a stream of denigrating profanity the likes of which have not been heard since the unfortunate Snaggletooth Incident during one of Jeff Gannon’s Tuesday afternoon oral service sessions with Karl Rove, but…a trusty sidekick could also capture it on film. Oh, the glorious, glorious beauty of capturing for posterity an unrelenting and unapologetic verbal assault on this most odious, repugnant, putrid corpse doubling as a media hack. And then to be able to share it with you, my friends, looping the video over and over as I tear into Novak with the full force of my impertinent ire and he slowly collapses into a blubbering, pants-wetting heap onto the floor at my feet—why it would just be a dream come true! Apparently, seats are filling up fast, so I’d better hurry, since it’s less than a month away…