Not a Newsflash

Dear Media,

Please repeat after me: Bush is an unpopular president. Go ahead, say it again, because you really need to get used to it. Bush is an unpopular president. The American people, always a little slow out of the starting gate, are finally starting to catch up to the rest of the world who has been distrustful and contemptuous of Bush for years. It’s kind of like meuslix—it took awhile to catch on here, but now some people are really passionate about it.

Anyway, Bush is what you call a “lame duck,” and deferentially yielding the most important part of your job (which, in case you’ve forgotten, is to disseminate objective information to the public) to a lame duck is, well, lame. It’s bad enough that you all clamored to be first on your knees to suck him off when he was vaguely popular, but now it’s just sad. What are you—crack whores? Get up and brush off your pants and reclaim a little dignity, for crying out loud. This guy is less popular with the American people than Clinton was the day he was impeached. You might as well blow Scott Baio.

Listen, I know you’re a little woozy and off-kilter from all the metaphorical suckin’ of the presidential penis, so let me help you get started on the right track again. Go Google “Downing Street Memo,” or scroll down my blog to see the eight gazillion posts I’ve written about it in the last 24 hours alone. Familiarize yourself, then put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard, or whatever your preferred method of composition, and get busy writing something that the American people need to know.

I know it’s scary, but trust me—there will still be time for Wacko Jacko and Runaway Brides, too. I promise.

Shakespeare’s Sister

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