The Disappointment to My Parents Meme

Ahh! I’ve been tagged!

Before I plow onward, I have to admit, that I don’t really “get” this meme, which is admittedly probably quite stupid of me, so I tried to trace it backwards the source. After awhile, though, I got distracted or bored or something, so I don’t know who wrote it originally, and I don’t know why they “couldn’t” be these things. I’d prefer to be saying, “If I were a doctor…” etc., since I could have been one, but I prefer to examine weird body growths from a safe distance—approximately the distance between my couch and the television, with an added layer of protection from too much horror provided by the Discovery Health Channel editors.

Anyway, in the spirit of fun and trying to ignore my penchant for pedantry, here are my responses:

If I could be a scientist... Well, I am a social scientist—does that count? I apply all my learnin’ in the field of sociopolitical anthropology to this here blog, instead of getting a doctorate and going to live among and study the Kayapo Indians of Brazil. And good thing, too, or else I’d never have the time to write piercing political commentary about overzealous trouser designs.

If I could be a musician... I’d do whatever it takes to be controversial enough to irritate Bill O’Reilly, so that when Pepsi offered me a contract, he’d declare a pox on my family, which might be the only thing to convince my dad to stop watching his show.

If I could be a doctor... I’d be Dr. Dre. See previous answer.

If I could be a painter... I would be an antisocial graffiti artist, get terminally addicted to drugs and booze, never make a penny while I was alive, and make sure that the millions my work garnered after my untimely demise would be left to radical lefty causes. Believe me, that would be a big disappointment to my parents.

If I could be an innkeeper... I would certainly keep my eyes on any pregnant women and their damn husbands who show up at my door on donkeys.

Tag, you’re it:

Pam, because she shares my strange addiction to the Discovery Health Channel, Ms. Julien, and Waveflux. Off you go!

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