When Your Husband Ruins Your Slumber Party Vibe

I love listening to Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard talk about their relationship, which feels so familiar to me in so many ways. I like the sweet stories; I like the stories about times that are tough; and I like the funny stories.

The following story, which Bell told on a recent visit to Ellen, is one of my favorite stories of all time (and OMG Ellen's birthday party sounds amaaaaaaazing!):

Ellen Degeneres: Hi, adorable Kristen Bell.

Kristen Bell: Hiiiiii!

Ellen: You look beautiful.

Kristen: Thanks! So do you!

Ellen: You look so pretty. Tell me what's going on with you. The last time I saw you, you were at my birthday party.

Kristen: YES! Your birthday party was SO FUN!

Ellen: Wasn't it fun?

Kristen: It was so much fun! There was a very nice dance floor — AND I'd like to thank you, 'cause I had one of the best moments of my life.

Ellen: What?

Kristen: Well, you know, it was a real— I got there, and it was a real who's who; it was very exciting. And I was on the dance floor— Melissa McCarthy started the dance floor—

Ellen: Yes she did.

Kristen: —demanded that everyone dance. And you listen when she talks to you! And I was just kind of casually getting into it, and all of a sudden I see, in a little settee to the side, JLo, like, looking like JLo, right? So elegant! And then she just goes— [mimes JLo pointing at her, then pointing back at herself] And I was like— [mimes looking around to make sure JLo was pointing at her] She gets up! We start dancing together! I'm FREAKING OUT! I'm like: I'm dancing with JLo! I'm dancing with JLo! I'm like hitting her butt— [audience laughter] It's amazing! She didn't mind; it's consensual! But then— [slumps back in seat] My husband sees, and he came over, and he kinda cockblocked me.

[audience laughter, as Kristen looks totally dejected]

Ellen: No!

Kristen: Sorry, he did. But he was — I'm sure from his perspective, he was like, "My wife's dancing with JLo! That's so cool!" And he came over, and he's— [mimes his trying to dance excitedly with them] —comes up, and we were both like, "No, man. No. Nooooo."

[audience laughter, as Kristen slumps back in her seat again]

Ellen: No.

Kristen: No, no.

Ellen: No.

Kristen: He kinda like ruined my vibe with JLo.

Ellen: I'm so sorry to hear that.

Kristen: It's all right.

Ellen: Is he a good dancer?

Kristen: He actually is a very good dancer.

Ellen: Is he?

Kristen: Yeah, he's a really, really good dancer. His moves are fantastic. It wasn't that he was a bad dancer; it's just that he— [picture of the couple is projected in the background; audience awwwwws] —awwwww.

Ellen: Awwwww.

Kristen: It's just that, like, we had a thing.

Ellen: Right.

Kristen: Like we had a slumber party thing going on, you know, and then he came in and it was just like, "Oh, and here's my husband."

Ellen: Yeah, but then— [audience laughter; Ellen and Kristen laugh] I know what that's like. [laughter]

I could not stop laughing at this, because OMG the well-meaning husband who just wants to participate, but THAT IS NOT THE VIBE, MAN.

* * *

For a very long time, Deeky hated even the sight of Dax Shepard, and I kept telling him that Dax Shepard actually seems very nice and funny, and I would randomly send him pro-Dax propaganda.

The other day, Deeks texted me something Dax Shepard had tweeted, which was very funny...

Me: Lol I told you he's a good egg!!!

Deeks: Lol.

Me: Getting you to send me a Dax Shepard tweet approvingly is my greatest accomplishment, in a lifetime of outstanding achievements.

Deeks: Lol. You're a champion.

Me: He should hire me to do his PR.

Deeks: He should!

LOL FOREVER.