Primarily Speaking

image of Donald Trump screaming, to which I've added text reading THIS IS MY PRESIDENTIAL FACE!!!!

Get ready for MORE TRUMP on your teevee! Republican front runner Donald Trump is reportedly planning a multimillion dollar ad blitz "to bolster his candidacy ahead of the Iowa caucuses. According to Fox News, the 'initial wave of ads'—which could cost upwards of $2 million a week—will focus on Trump's 'vision and his stance on key issues…but that could change if any GOP rivals target him with negative commercials.'" Sounds terrific! Can't wait to hear more about how Trump is going to make America great again through some combination of xenophobia, misogyny, fearmongering, braggadocio, and insults!

Can someone mention to Jeb Bush that he is a terrible candidate who is very bad at running for president? Because it doesn't seem like he knows. "Bush says he'd like to square off with real estate mogul Donald Trump in a one-on-one debate. Asked Monday what he would say to the GOP presidential front-runner if he walked into the room, Bush offered some tough talk. 'Donald, I'll take you on one-on-one in a debate, any time, any place,' Bush said at an event hosted by the Forum Club in Palm Beach, Florida. 'You name it and I'll do it.'" No, Jeb. No. I mean, listen, I love to watch this dipshit embarrass the fuck out of himself as much as anyone, but even I have my limits.

Sweater vest supermodel Rick Santorum is bragging about being mentioned in IS' official magazine, Dabiq. "'The only person that's been listed in ISIS magazine as an enemy of ISIS is me,' said Santorum." (Actually, Senator Lindsey Graham was mentioned, too.) I don't think that says as much about Santorum as it does that IS doesn't understand US politics as well as one might imagine they do.

[Content Note: Rape culture; sexual abuse] Professor of Bible bigotry Mike Huckabee incredibly claimed that he never defended Josh Duggar. Except whoooooooooooooops he definitely did.

Corporate power-failure Carly Fiorina defended Trump's attacks on Bill Clinton, saying: "Of course Bill Clinton is fair game. He's a former president. As I recall, Donald Trump threw George W. Bush under the bus way back in September." Once again, Fiorina simply ignores the context to spout a bunch of mendacious nonsense. Trump is attacking Bill Clinton personally to get at Hillary Clinton, not attacking Bill Clinton's presidency.

[CN: Christian Supremacy; terrorism; video may autoplay at link] This was from early this month, but I missed it until today: Thirty Jerk Marco Rubio says terrorist attacks are all part of god's plan. Asked during a campaign event "where god was" during the terrorist attacks on 9/11 and in Paris earlier this year, Rubio said: "Where God always is—on the throne in Heaven. The question was how could God allow these bad things to happen? It always challenges us to understand that God's ways are not our ways. What we may interpret as bad, and most certainly is in the case of Paris or 9/11, even that is part of a broader plan for the universe and for our lives that we are just not going to know the answer to. God's ways are not our ways." God's ways are not our ways, but let's definitely run our government on those ways we don't even understand! COOL IDEA.

In other GOP news, Dr. Ben Carson, pugilist Chris Christie, Joe McCarthy impersonator Ted Cruz, real person Jim Gilmore, "moderate" John Kasich, charisma void George Pataki, and proximate apple Rand Paul, are all still running for president.

On the other side of aisle, East Coast Gavin Newsom Martin O'Malley keeps agitating for more Democratic debates, which seems like an awfully strange strategy to me, given that his debate performances have not been stellar. His showing in the last debate, for example, generated headlines like "Martin O'Malley's Democratic Debate Performance Was Awfully Sad" and "Martin O'Malley's Saddest Debate Moments." Does he imagine more headlines like that are going to help him? Maybe he and Jeb Bush should debate each other!

Senator Bernie Sanders responded to Donald Trump calling him a "wacko" by saying, via a spokesperson: "Being called wacko by a pathological liar like Mr. Trump makes me think he is getting nervous that the American people are catching on to his pathetic policies, which include giving hundreds of billions of dollars in tax breaks to billionaires like himself while refusing to raise the $7.25 an hour minimum wage." Kudos for getting some real policy stuff in there, but "Being called a wacko by a pathological liar like Trump is a compliment," would have been snappier.

#FeelTheSlowBernWithSeriousPolicyCriticismThatSortOfTriesToBeASlam is pretty cool, too, though.

[CN: Misogyny] And finally! Thank Maude for the bastion of totally trenchant journalism that is the Daily Mail, where we can get excellent reporting on the Democratic front runner and world's most admired woman like this prizewinner:

screen cap of headline and subheads reading: 'From funky florals to over-the-top ruffles: FEMAIL reveals Hillary Clinton's 20 WORST fashion faux pas from the past 50 years | The 68-year-old turned heads in New York City on Sunday when she wore an embroidered floral jacket while out with her family | However, the colorful coat was just one of her many fashion mishaps over the past five decades'

Ohmahgawd! Would you want anyone who wore that with her finger on the button?! *thisface*

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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