(Photobucket is being a turd and won't let me upload my screen cap from the latest episode, so, instead: Above a classic pic of Michonne wearing an expression that perfectly encapsulates my feelings about this fucking show.)
When last we left our totally trepid band of zombie slayers, Grimes Gang is pretty convinced that the Aarontownians are WEAK and that their WEAK-ASS WEAKNESS is going to get everyone killed. And since Grimes Gang are apparently the heroes of this piece, that's pretty much exactly what happens in this episode!
The episode starts, as always, with "Previously on The Walking Dead," to remind us what has happened and spoil what is coming, which includes a flashback of Gabriel the Terrible Priest burning his collar. Cut immediately to the opening scene of this week's episode, in which Gabriel the Terrible Priest is wearing his collar. Guess he had a spare!
Gabriel finds a welcome basket full of strawberries at the parish in Aarontown, and apparently he doesn't like strawberries, because he immediately destroys a Bible.
Meanwhile, Noah meets with Mr. Deanna to ask him if he'll teach him how to be an architect. Something something steel cut oats. Mr. Deanna agrees to mentor Noah, and gives him his notebook and tells him to write down everything, because "this is the beginning." Uh-oh. Watch your back, Noah! That sounds ominously optimistic!
Various Grimes Gangians are settling into their jobs, handed out by Deanna. Daryl rides off on his motorbike to accompany Aaron on a recruitment mission. (And then we never see Daryl for the rest of the episode! BYEEEEEEE!) Sgt. Red Bull joins a construction crew who are sourcing materials to reinforce the wall. Constable Grimes walks the mean streets of Aarontown, and finds Blaura Blinney in her garage, all sad because someone destroyed a metal sculpture of an owl on which she and her sons were working. Maggie does government shit with Deanna. And Glenn, Tara, Noah, and Dr. Mulletsworth join Deanna's son Douchebag and his bestie Douchebag Beta for a supply run to get computer stuff.
Dr. Mulletsworth doesn't want to go, and reminds them all that he is a coward. But they tell him he's got to join them, because they don't know which gleep glorp they need to fix the beep boop in the electrical grid. So he's given a gun and tossed in the van for the ride.
They arrive at the Huge & Dark Technology Warehouse, and they all enter cautiously. Glenn has been IN THE SHIT for so long that he can tell some gurgling zombies in the distance are trapped behind something. Dr. Mulletsworth reminds Tara again that he is a coward, in case you didn't get the hint from before that coming forthwith will be Dr. Mulletsworth Big Hero Moment.
Blah blah zombies, and Douchebag starts shooting at a zombie in riot fatigues, including a bulletproof helmet. Well, that certainly complicates slowing him down! So he aims for somewhere other than a head, and accidentally shoots a grenade. KABOOM. Douchebag is impaled on some machinery. RIP Douchebag. Tara is blown over and has a serious head wound. OH NO! Worse yet, the grenade blast opened the barrier that was keeping a horde of zombies contained. Now they're everywhere!
The survivors make for an office inside the warehouse. Tara is alive but desperately in need of first aid, and the first aid kit is in the van. OH NO! And suddenly they notice that Douchebag is still alive! Glenn and Noah and Douchebag Beta run off to rescue him. Dr. Mulletsworth is left all alone with Tara, and HE SUMMONS HIS COURAGE to carry her out to the van, awkwardly shooting zombies along their route. It's a Warehouse Day Miracle!
Meanwhile, Glenn and Noah and Douchebag Beta are trying to lift Douchebag off the machinery on which he's impaled, but they canny do it, captain! Douchebag Beta totes bails, because HE IS WEAK! Douchebag spends some of his last breaths explaining to Glenn that HE IS ALSO WEAK, and that he and Douchebag Beta left their former supply run team members to die. WEAK-ASS WEAKSAUCE, KING OF WEAKNESS! Eventually, Glenn and Noah are overrun by zombies and have to leave Douchebag there. He is eaten. RIP Douchebag.
Over at the construction site, one of the Aarontownians goes off to take a piss in the woods and stirs up a bunch of zombies. One of the weak-ass weakbrainz misfires at a zombie, hitting a construction bucket, and one of the other crew members, a lady named Francine, falls out of the bucket onto the ground right in front of an incoming horde. The weaksauce weakmonsters all abandon her and start to run away, but Sgt. Red Bull rescues her, because of course he does. Once they are safe, he punches the peeing coward, then Francine punches him, too, for good measure. Then Sgt. Red Bull takes charge of the crew, because HE AIN'T WEAK, SON!
Back in town, Grimes tries to solve the Mystery of the Smashed Metal Owl. He reports to Blaura Blinney that he's talked to a few people, but no one saw anything. GREAT DETECTIVE WORK, GRIMES! Somebody get this guy a starring role on CSI: Aarontown. Blaura Blinney's husband is a drunk who says stupid things to Grimes. Grimes hates him. And, for once, I agree with Grimes.
Elsewhere: Blaura Blinney's son Sam, who was terrified into silence by Carol last week, now wants to be BFFs with Carol, if she'll teach him how to make cookies. She tells him to steal chocolate if he wants her to teach him, and he does. Little reprobate! They hang out, and Sam confesses he wants one of the guns he caught Carol stealing, but won't tell her why. Carol, a survivor of domestic violence, figures out that Blaura Blinney's husband is hitting Blaura Blinney, and possibly Sam, too.
P.S. Sam destroyed the owl, because his dad sucks.
Back at the warehouse, Glenn and Noah and Douchebag Beta are trapped in two quarters of a revolving door by a zillion zombies. Glenn is figuring a way out, but Douchebag Beta is WEAK, and he's all, "Fuck all y'all!" and squeezes his way out, leaving just enough room for the zombies to reach in and grab Noah. Noah is pulled into the adjoining compartment of the door, and Glenn can only watch in horror as Noah is eaten alive in front of him. Jesus Jones this fucking show. RIP Noah.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand another black man on The Walking Dead is gone. MEANWHILE GRIMES IS STILL JUST FUCKING FINE!
Dr. Mulletsworth, empowered with newfound bravery, drives the van over to the door and honks and blares music, hitting the side of the van with his hand, beckoning the zombies to chase him. He leads them away, and Glenn can make a safe escape.
Douchebag Beta reaches the van first, but Glenn is close behind, and pummels the fuck out of him. WEAK-ASS MOTHERFUCKER! All of these Aarontownian fucks are SO WEAK! They're just getting Grimes Gang killed or hurt or endangered all over the place with their WEAK-O-RAMA WEAKNESS! JUST LIKE GRIMES GANG KNEW THEY WOULD!
Conversely, the one coward in Grimes Gang, Dr. Mulletsworth, is now A GODDAMNED HERO! Because that's how Grimes Gang rolls!
Back at Aarontown, Gabriel the Terrible Priest pays Deanna a visit to tell her that Grimes Gang are actually terrible people. CORRECT! But he sandwiches this in between some nonsense about the devil appearing to be a person of light or some shit, so he sounds crazy. Deanna promises she'll have a think about what he's said. Maggie overhears all of this. WATCH OUT, GABRIEL! GRIMES GANG DON'T LIKE NO RATS!
Meanwhile, Carol and Rick have a confab about Blaura Blinney's husband. He's gotta die. Oh shit.
Next week: More of this crapola.
Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.
blog comments powered by Disqus