Pope to Speak to US Congress

[Content Note: Christian supremacy; homophobia; misogyny; transphobia; clergy abuse.]

Here's a cool announcement care of Speaker of the House John Boehner:

It is my great privilege to announce that His Holiness Pope Francis will visit the United States Capitol on Thursday, September 24, 2015. On that day, he will become the first leader of the Holy See to address a joint meeting of Congress. It will be a historic visit, and we are truly grateful that Pope Francis has accepted our invitation.

In a time of global upheaval, the Holy Father's message of compassion and human dignity has moved people of all faiths and backgrounds. His teachings, prayers, and very example bring us back to the blessings of simple things and our obligations to one another. We look forward to warmly welcoming Pope Francis to our Capitol and hearing his address on behalf of the American people.

I can't wait! In anticipation of the Pope's visit, let's take a look at some of the Greatest Hits from Pope Francis' Big Leatherbound Playbook of Compassion and Human Dignity:

* Calling same-sex marriage the work of the devil and adoption by same-sex couples child abuse.

* Reaffirming the doctrinal evaluation and criticism of US nuns which "accused the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, an organization that represents most U.S. female Catholic orders, of promoting 'radical feminist themes' and ignoring the Vatican's hard line on same-sex marriage and abortion."

* Suggesting that maybe atheists aren't total monsters, which was immediately walked back by the Vatican.

* Recommending that the Church not talk about abortion, same-sex marriage, and contraception so much, because it gives them a bad rep. But definitely still support the same gross positions!

* Reminding us that fetuses are more important than the people who carry them.

* Saying that the male-only priesthood "is not a question open to discussion."

* Sharing a great story about a little girl who said her mother's girlfriend doesn't love her, as part of his opposition to same-sex parenting.

* Calling abortion "horrific" and the women and other people who get abortions "victimizers of children."

* Warning the internet "can have the effect of isolating us from our neighbors," without regard for the fact that people culturally marginalized thanks in part to the influence of his religion often find community on, and sometimes exclusively on, the internet. See also.

* Reiterating that "marriage is between a man and a woman."

* Claiming that the Catholic Church has done "perhaps most of all" for victims of childhood abuse and "is maybe the only public institution to have moved with transparency and responsibility."

* Calling trans* people "demonic."

* Discussing with the US President his "commitment to fighting poverty and growing (income) inequality," as if systemic oppression and the inability to control one's reproduction have no effect on one's financial stability.

* Insisting that the number of priests who abused children was "obviously not [a lot] compared to the number of all the priests," when he was meant to be apologizing for clergy abuse.

* Saying: "Abortion compounds the grief of many women who now carry with them deep physical and spiritual wounds after succumbing to the pressures of a secular culture which devalues God's gift of sexuality and the right to life of the unborn." Thus managing to pack slut-shaming, mental health myths, a fundamental disrespect for bodily autonomy, heterocentrism, ciscentrism, and disappearing atheists and victims of rape all in one quote.

* Overseeing the continued crackdown on the Leadership Conference of Women Religious, which has included threats from a Vatican official who "remind[ed] the sisters their organization held its status within the church only through Vatican approval."

* Warning childless couples not to substitute pets for children, and saying that a marriage without children "comes to old age in solitude, with the bitterness of loneliness."

* Saying: "The family is threatened by growing efforts on the part of some to redefine the very institution of marriage, by relativism, by the culture of the ephemeral, by a lack of openness to life."

* Telling women that they don't have to breed like animals, then shaming a woman who has seven children and reiterating his position that contraception and abortion are not allowed.

Yeah.

Well.

It's pretty obvious why the Republican majorities in both Houses of Congress are excited to welcome Pope Francis. Those of us who do not share the policy positions of retrofuck dipshits and who believe in the separation of church and state: Not so much.