All Dogs Do Go to Heaven

[Content Note: Anti-atheism.]

Everybody's favorite Pope, Pope Francis, has said that dogs can go to heaven:

Trying to console a distraught little boy whose dog had died, Francis told him in a recent public appearance on St. Peter's Square, "Paradise is open to all of God's creatures." While it is unclear whether the pope's remarks helped soothe the child, they were welcomed by groups like the Humane Society and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, who saw them as a repudiation of conservative Roman Catholic theology that says animals cannot go to heaven because they have no souls.

...The Rev. James Martin, a Jesuit priest and editor at large of America, the Catholic magazine, said he believed that Francis was at least asserting that "God loves and Christ redeems all of creation," even though conservative theologians have said paradise is not for animals.

"He said paradise is open to all creatures," Father Martin said. "That sounds pretty clear to me."

Paradise is open to all creatures. Except atheists. Obviously. We're still definitely going straight to hell!