Liss & Deeks Talk About Intelligence

[Content Note: Spoilers for the premiere episode of Intelligence. Imagery of gun below.]

image of actor Josh Holloway holding a gun during a tense scene at a paintball field
You had us at paintball.

So, last night was the premiere of the new CBS drama Intelligence, starring Josh Holloway from Lost. Long-time readers will recall that Deeks and I were massive Lost fans, so we decided we needed to watch Intelligence together, even if it did look like The Six Million Dollar Sawyer Bourne.

The thing is, it turned out to be good fun, despite its admittedly silly premise ("A drama centered on a high-tech intelligence operative who is enhanced with a super-computer microchip in his brain, and the director of the elite government cyber-security agency who supports him."), and there were a lot of lady characters! It passed the Bechdel Test within the first five minutes of the show.

Below, our text conversation during and after the show...

Deeky: Intelligence is on in ten minutes.

Liss: Oh I'm ready!

[fifteen minutes later]

Deeky: I think I've figured it out. Sawyer is the Bourne Identity but with a bionic brain.

Liss: It's like he's got Google Glass on the inside of his brains!

Deeky: Right?

Liss: Hello, Marg Helgenberger! Welp, it's already passed the Bechdel Test!

Deeky: She's great.

Liss: Cyber Command!

Deeky: LOLOLOL Cyber Command!

Liss: Is that dude the kidnapper doctor's boyfriend?

Deeky: LOLOLOL the guy in the glasses? No, it's his son.

Liss: Oh. Boring. Is this second chip going to be used to create Sawyer Bourne's nemesis?

Deeky: No doy it is! He'll also be played by Sawyer but will have a goatee.

Liss: LOLOLOL. Okay, that paintball scene kinda kicked ass, lol.

Deeky: Yeah, I think that's when I really decided I liked it.

Liss: It's way better than I expected!

Deeky: I was like, okay, this is a stupid show, but it's fun.

Liss: [in a flurry of excited texts] He's cyber rendering! I knew that Amos hipster fuck was up to no good! This agent has the same backstory as Kate! The doctor sniper!!! Love! This guy's eMacGuyver!


Liss: His nemesis is awake! And it's not Sawyer Bourne with a goatee, but another female character! And a woman of color! Woot! That episode proved way more fun than I anticipated.

Deeky: Okay. So he can upload to a fucking satellite but he can't send a text message to his boss saying he was kidnapped?

Liss: LOLOLOL! Prolly AT&T was down. Also: I love how people with manslaughter charges can become secret service agents apparently.

Deeky: Right? How's that not an automatic disqualification?

Liss: I do kinda hate how Agent Riley Neal's backstory is of the "abuse turns women into superheroes" variety. I hope that doesn't become A Thing.

Deeky: Grody. Such unoriginal dogshit. Can't a female character be a badass just because?

Liss: For real. So, in summation, the premise is very silly and there are some problems, but overall it's good fun and very stylish. I enjoyed it!

Deeky: Me too. So it'll probably be cancelled.

Liss: LOL right? We like it way too much for it to stay on the air!

Deeky: Also, during the break there was a commercial for a new episode of NCIS: Los Angeles. How is THAT still on?

Liss: LOL I have never seen one episode of that show, but I totally believe it to be terrible.

Deeky: NCIS: Los Angeles is the Milton of TV shows. It's probably been canceled but a glitch in accounting keeps sending the producers money.

Liss: LOLOLOL the Milton of TV shows!

Deeky: The agent assigned to protect him was pretty cool.

Liss: I dug how she still kicked ass even after being shot. Hell yeah. I also love, like looooooooove, that he's married and the agent is all in on finding his wife, so there's no imminent romantic garbage subplot.

Deeky: Well, I was kind of thinking they brought her in to keep him in line with the power of her vag. Because obviously.

Liss: Women do tame men. Think how out of control you'd be without my domesticating influence.

Deeky: LOLOLOL! Yeah, good job. I had a boy over tonight. Top-notch work, June.

Liss: "It's because Liss is a hobag."—James Taranto, probably.


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