It's Time for a Flula Break!

Flula, a young, thin, white man speaking in German-accented English directly to the camera while lying in bed: [heaving sigh] I was just at a party. They were playing this game, and it is the most terrible gross of games I have seen in my life: Beer Pong.

It is like ping pong, but with no ping—with no nets, with no paddles. Paddlies. No. It is with beer, and with these balls—and bacteria. [makes face and disgusted noise]

People have the ball, and they like, they throw—they throw to hit a cup. Cups with beers inside. Yeah, they cannot do this; they are—everyone is a drunker here. They have no aims, no aims! They throw the ball—where's ball go? Not to cup! Ball is bounce, bounce, bounce—and then under the couches! With the dusties—dust and the, the spider corpses. And like old, old cornflakes! Yeah. The ball touch all of this!

And then they go reach— [mimics grabbing ball] "Oh, ahh, oh, we try again ha ha ha!" [mimics a lackluster throw] Mmwuuuuh. Bounce, bounce, bounce into the kitchens! With the cranberry juices on the floors—sticksy sticksy. And then the dog come— "Oh, look, rrow rrow, doggy. Rrow ball." [mimes licking ball] Lick, lick, lick. Bring back. Now the same ball—same ball! Nobody cleans the ball! Nobody clean it. Nobody's washing balls.

And then man take ball— "Oh, I try one more." [mimics a lackluster throw] Mmwuuuuh. [mimics throws] Lady. A man. Mmwuuuuh. Mmwuuuuh. Have you seen the hands of the people that are throwers? [makes face] Bleh. They go to eat chip. [mimics eating chips] Lick finger. Salsa. Lick finger. Oh, perhaps some chili! Lick finger, lick finger! Shake hands with other dirty person. [mimics grabbing ball] TOUCH BALL.

Oh, and then [mimics picking nose] in the nose. In the pants—let us make discover of adjusting in the pants! Ehhh wehhh. Lick finger, lick finger! TOUCH BALL. [makes a disgusted face] Everybody do it.

And then final, like forty-five minute later, one person—ball go bwooow bloop bloop. "It's in the beeeeer! Oh, so great! Now you must drink the beer with ball inside! It's beer pong! It's a fun game! Ha ha ha ha ha!" [makes face; long pause] What?

No, I will not drink this. This is not beer; this is—this is a liquid that has now touched the most dirty balls of all the universum. It is not beer; it is like DEATH JUICE. You drink it! I do not want it! I shall sit on the couches now at the party, watch the Seinfeld television, as everyone here make contraction of hepatitis because of dirty balls. [makes face] No. I will not play your game.

It's not beer pong. It's plague pong!

[makes face; turns off camera]

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