In The News

I will be getting all up In The News while Dr. Deeky W. Gashlycrumb is on holiday in an undisclosed location.

[Content Note: Fat bias; rape culture.]

Senators have reached a tentative deal to avert a filibuster showdown. I wish I had one iota of energy left to care about this! Because it is important! But Congress is so broken and the Republicans so unethical and the Democrats so craven that I am zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz whoops I fell asleep for a second!

An aide to Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has been charged with second-degree misdemeanor theft after getting caught stealing cash from her office. Oops!

A survey of Wall Street employees has found "a ticking economic time bomb" based on the pervasive lack of ethics among financial professionals. Neat!

The Boy Scouts continue to be totally fucking terrible: "Extremely overweight Boy Scouts are banned this year from the scouts' annual Jamboree."

I am not a fan of Sarah Silverman's tweet at the center of this story, but I am VERY AMUSED that it inadvertently tricked Republicans into admitting that mandated transvaginal ultrasounds are rape.

Would you rescue Dave Matthews from the side of the road? I would! As long as he promised not to sing "Crash" while he was in my car!

If you would like to meet the cast of MTV's "Teen Mom 3," here they are! That show seems to be working out pretty great for almost everyone who's on it, so I'm super excited they're doing another season. Also: That was sarcasm, in case I wasn't laying it on thick enough.

Would you like to see Nicolas Cage as your favorite Disney princess? I can't imagine why you wouldn't!

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