Flula Makes the NSA a Solid Offer

Flula, a young white man speaking in German-accented English directly to the camera while sitting in his car: I'm hearing now that, you know, this NSA, they are tapsing everything—my phone conversation and email to messagings with people, you know, computer, hacksing my data of things in my laptop... [shrugs] I say: Okay. You know? NSA, please, do it. My doors, my doors have open, you know? I am not a hider of things; I'm not a dirty, dirty person; you know, I'm squeaksy clean. I think. So do it.

I—I only think perhaps maybe we, you know, make some—make some trade together. You know? If I trade and give to you my data, you know, my privates, perhaps you can give to me something, you know? Maybe you might be like, like my secretary, you know, for a little bit.

Um, for example, um, when you are inside hacksing my laptop, at next time you're doing it, um, as you are hacksing and looking at data, perhaps also you may, ah, clean it up my desktop. You have seen it. It is a— [sighs] I cannot find anything on this—on this desktop! So many icon and [points in the air as if around a desktop screen] photo, photo, photo, image, image, file, file, file, Microsoft Word document, Word document, oh look Excel, and watch out there's 18 of the PowerPoints here, here, here... [sighs]

I cannot find things, so, you know, perhaps clean this for me, you know, on the next time you's here. Or if you are listen to my call, and you can hear I'm maybe in argument, um, with person, you just start to speak, and say, "Excuse me, excuse me—sorry, guys, I must interruption. This is Stacy, uh, you know, Secretary of Flula; he have another call with, like, you know, President of, who knows, Bulgaria or something. [shrugs] You know? BOOM. Problem done; we are out. You know? You have helped me.

These tasks—I think these tasks are nice. I give to you my privates; you give to me, ah, some secretary work. We are evening stevening, so, I think. [shrugs] What do you think? You know? Tell me. Tell me, NSA, what you think—yes or no we should do it—in your secrets way, you know. Send to me a fly robot [mimes a fly buzzing around and flying to his ear]—tiny fly robot who whisper "yes, let's do it," or I don't know what is your system.

Yeah. Okay. Thank you! Bye-bye!
Seems fair.

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