Don't Worry, Everyone: Mitt Romney Is Going to Land on His Feet!

I know we've all been very worried about what multimillionaire historical footnote Mitt Romney was going to do to survive, after he lost the presidential election following what was just a terrific campaign that made all of us love him very much. So it brings me much joy to be able to share with you the awesome news that, despite this terrible unemployment crisis, Mitt Romney has found himself a job:
Former GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney will be returning to work, joining his son Tagg's investment firm.

Romney will serve as chairman of the executive committee for Solamere Capital, where he'll work for one week a month on private equity matters, reports NBC News.
Cool job! I'm thinking of investing some of my gold bars and rubies with Mitt Romney, but I'm not sure what percentage of my enviable wealth I should give him. I'm thinking somewhere around 47%.

Anyway. My top secret sources ("Best in the biz!"—Sir Wolf Blitzer) have sent me some images of Mitt Romney's first day on the job, and it looks like everything's going pretty great.

image of Mitt Romney standing a white board writing on it with a marker; I have photoshopped it to read, as though in his handwriting: 'Things This Office Needs: cushballs, monkeys / Doesn't Need: women'

Good luck at your new job, Mitt Romney! See you at CPAC next week!

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