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Here are the Five Things You Need To Know about Melissa McEwanz:

1. She writes poetry. Lots of poetry. Like, mountains of it. If you could measure all her poetry, it would weigh more than a T. Rex. Almost all of it is about her first crush: Gil Gerard.

2. She has a tattoo of Falkor on her shoulder.

3. She once said "This is the greatest fanny back ever invented!" I'd explain that, but it's kind of complicated.

4. Her favourite Garbage Pail Kids card is Rappin' Ron.

5. Her go-to soundtrack album for sexy-times doing it is Monster Ballads:

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