In The News

Your regular In The News correspondent, Deeky W. Gashlycrumb, MD., is off while he moves into his new evil lair apartment.

[Content Note: Terrorism; hostility to agency; misogynistic violence.]

Chuck Hagel was not super during his confirmation hearing. I guess people are surprised by this? Has nobody met Chuck Hagel before?

Two dead and others wounded, some seriously, after a suicide bomber hits the US embassy in Ankara, Turkey.

Congress, possibly the most ill-equipped group in the country to address technology issues, will battle over internet privacy in 2013. I'm sure they'll make all the best decisions!

The Department of Health and Human Services is expected to announce today that religiously affiliated employers "will be able to opt out of providing their employees with insurance coverage for contraceptives" in an exception to the contraception mandate. Speaking of good decisions!

In an actual good decision, Congress passed a new law as an amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act which "imposes a fine and a prison sentence of up to five years on those found guilty of sending girls under the age of 18 out of the country" for female genital cutting.

Hawaii legislators, at the request of Aerosmith lord Steven Tyler, have proposed legislation "to protect celebrities from paparazzi, giving famous faces power to sue over unwanted beach photos and other snapshots on the islands." It is weird to me that we need laws to protect anyone from any unwanted photography! Why are people so terrible?! Don't take pictures without permission, you knuckleheads!

This is an actual headline in the world: Hillary Clinton Takes a Rest, How Weird Is That?

Japanese scientists have recorded the first real-time video of thoughts forming in the brain. Neat!

Want. Wanty-want-want!

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