The Exact and Only Words in Your Response

Last night, my oft-mentioned friend Miller, who is deeply immersed in translating a novel from Portuguese to English, solicited my assistance to help her find the perfect English slang for vagina in a particular context. True Fact: "Cunt" and "pussy" and "vajayjay" and "snatch" and "naughty bits" each have their own tones. Naturally, a very hilarious (but simultaneously quite serious and productive!) conversation ensued.

She also needed to run her translation of a female orgasm by me, and, for some reason, did not appreciate my suggestion that she introduce "ladysquirt" into the lexicon. Harrumph. Some people!

At one point during our amazing conversation, she said, "This is like a re-incidence of the Golden Shower Affair."

To which I replied: "???"

Now, here, I need to tell you, came a whole diversion about how my having no memory of the Golden Shower Affair, while she did, was the greatest thing ever. Deeky is not the only one of my friends who considers me a lint trap. "How can you not remember that?" exclaimed Miller. "You remember everything! In all these years this is the first time I remembered something you didn't! TRIUMPH IS MINE!"

To which I replied: "LOL! HIGH FIVE!"

The thing, which I did not (and do not still) remember, was Miller emailing me, almost 15 years ago, from across the office where we worked together for years, to inquire: "What's that fetish called where someone likes to have someone else urinate on them?"

To which I evidently replied: "A golden shower, baby."

Upon hearing this exchange recounted, I laughed until tears sprung from my eyes. The question alone was brilliant: What could the purpose have been in her asking it? And the thought that this exchange, over work email, was probably the most professional thing happening in that wildly dysfunctional office, on that day or any day. And then my absurd reply.

"Why would I add the 'baby'?!" I exclaimed, rhetorically.

To which Miller replied, "That's what made it so memorable! Those were the exact and only words in your response."


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