Romney Picks Paul Ryan as Running Mate

Posted by Melissa McEwan at Saturday, August 11, 2012
image of Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney at a campaign event earlier this year; they are standing in front of a flag and waving at the audience. I have added dialogue bubbles to suggest Ryan is asking, 'Where the heck is that flag we requested?' to which Romney is replying, 'The flags never show up. Get used to it.'

So, Mitt Romney has made his selection, and the paperclip he picked is Representative Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, the Republicans' budgeteer, who believes in trickle-down economics, deficit reduction, bootstraps, and gutting domestic discretionary spending. Basically, he's a total garbage nightmare, so it's no wonder Mitt Romney likes him.

Also: Last night, GoldFishy, The Captain, Iain, and I were sitting around talking politics (surprise!), and I put my money on Paul Ryan as Romney's veep pick. (Pay up, universe!) I said, "Not only is he sufficiently terrible, but he sort of looks like a young Mitt Romney. Romney's just arrogant enough I can imagine him looking at Ryan and thinking, 'There's just something appealing about that guy I can't quite put my finger on...'" He's like the sixth Romney son.

Mitt and Ann Romney with four of their sons, into which I've photoshopped Paul Ryan
"Look, he's a perfect stand-in for Ben when Ben's at his bowling league."

As an additional benefit, Romney may fool some dumbasses into thinking he picked Ron Paul. "I guess we don't have to protest at the convention then! Pass the apple bong, dude."

Anyway. Congratulations to Paul Ryan. Good luck in your debate with Senator Vice-President O'Biden. I can't wait to not vote for you!

UPDATE 1: Ahhhhhhhhhhahahahahahahahaha! At the official announcement, Romney introduced Ryan thusly: "Join me in welcoming the next President of the United States—Paul Ryan!" Whooooooooooops! He then had to make a correction that Ryan would not, in fact, be the next President of the United States. OMG. LOL FOREVER.

UPDATE 2: @PeterHambyCNN: "another mistake: Romney just teed up ad featuring his arm around Ryan saying 'every now and then I make a mistake'." OMG.

UPDATE 3: Ryan then comes on and calls Romney the "right man for this moment" (LADIES), and then says they'll "restore America's greatness." Hear that, America? Team RomneyRyan thinks you're garbage!

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. Worst running mate roll-out ever.

UPDATE 4: Igor Volsky: 12 Things You Should Know about Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan.

UPDATE 5: An image of the Dystopian Duo from the actual event this morning:

image of Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan looking at each other and laughing, with their arms around each other's shoulders
"Every now and then I make a mistake. But I can tell you I did not make a mistake with this guy!"

Yeesh. Photo via Richard Adams, whose coverage is, as usual, recommended reading.

UPDATE 6: Eastsidekate volunteered to be the one to sign up for Mitt's Awesome App so she could get the veep announcement five seconds before everyone else. And here's what you missed:

image of Kate's phone showing announcement
Meet AMERICA'S COMEBACK TEAM.

I'm proud to announce Paul Ryan as my VP! Together we will offer a plan to restore American greatness and help build a stronger middle class. Stand with America's Comeback Team.
America's Comeback Team? LOL! That is HORRIBLE. That is the worst slogan I've heard since "Nixon '68: Less Sweaty!"

Anyway, I'd rather stand with AMERCIA's Comeback Team, thankyouverymuch.
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