Generally Gross

image of Romney standing at a podium at a campaign event, in front of six flags and a giant sign with his website address on it, to which I have added a dialogue bubble reading: 'I don't know what to tell you, but I can't start until my 6 flags & giant sign get here.'

True Story: One time, lifelike specimen and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney climbed into his Ron Arad Rover Chair next to his Fonz poster and started to read Paul Fussell's Class. Then he got to the part about how there were people who don't have billions of dollars, and he screamed, "GRODY TO THE MAX!" and threw it into his neon fireplace. (The '80s, amirite?)

[Full Disclosure: That is not a true story.]

This definitely true story from the life of Willard Mitt Romney just goes to show you how much he hates poor people.

That, and every one of his policies ever.

Hey! Speaking of Mitt Romney's policies (I won best Segueist at the Seggies last year), Mitt Romney sat down to talk with Mark Halperin (who is totes the worst), and what a cool interview it was! My favorite part is how Romney is all, "Listen, I am not going to give anyone any policy specifics before I am elected, but TRUST ME, my policies are going to be SO AWESOME. You should just elect me to find out! It's definitely NOT that my policies are so terrible I would never get elected if I publicly detailed them. I just want them to be a cool surprise! Think of my presidency as a superfun surprise party for ALL OF AMERICA!"

It sounds great for sure. I just hope Mitt Romney isn't PRANKING us!

The other best part (multiple bests, for real) of that interview is how Romney promises to "get the unemployment rate down to 6%, perhaps a little lower" by the end of his first term. Ha ha that sounds terrific! Two little things, though:

1. Political Wire: "However, just a few weeks ago, as NBC News reported, Romney said that anything 'over 4% is not cause for celebration'."

2. Think Progress: A 6% unemployment rate "is exactly where multiple government agencies project unemployment will be at the end of that time frame. The Congressional Budget Office predicts that unemployment will average 6.3 percent in 2016; the Office of Management and Budget, meanwhile, projects unemployment will hit 6.1 percent and ultimately fall below 6 percent the same year."

So Mitt Romney is basically promising to deliver exactly what is expected, which he has already declared insufficient. Quite a candidate you've got there, Republicans!

In other news, a new national NBC News/Wall Street Journal/Telemundo poll of registered Latin@ voters finds that President Obama has a 34-point lead over Romney among respondents: 61 to 27 percent. Yowza.

You know who Romney should choose as his running mate? Tom Tancredo. Lou Dobbs for Secretary of Homeland Security. Pete King for Secretary of Defense. Make it happen, Mitt!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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