Primarily Dreadful

Mitt Romney stands onstage in front of a bunch of a people, none of whom look the least bit engaged, holding up two fingers. I have added text reading: 'With your help, I can come in SECOND this November!'

LOOK AT THE EXCITEMENT IN THAT CROWD! Are you looking?! That one guy looks sooooo passionate! That other guy looks sooooo thrilled! And that other other guy looks dead! If there's one word you can definitely use to describe Mitt Romney, it's SCINTILLATING! He's like a one-man production machine of DAZZLING PATRIOTISM! Mitt Romney, tell your team to get working on securing the rights to "Moves Like Jagger" as your campaign song STAT, because you have ALL the moves like ALL the Jaggers!

In more good news for Mitt Romney, besides the daily good news about how AWESOME he is, he was also declared the least barfiest of all the candidates by Puerto Rico this weekend! GOOD JOB, MITT ROMNEY!

In not-so-good news, Mitt Romney is very unpopular. Ha ha really?! "To defeat Barack Obama in November, Mitt Romney would have to make history by overcoming a larger favorability deficit than any other modern presidential candidate." lol your favorability deficit!

But the insignificant concern that very few people really like him as he's facing the biggest popularity contest in the world is not phasing Mitt Romney! Nossiree! He is CONFIDENT in his ability to come in AT LEAST second in November, which is definitely a pretty good finish just ask John McCain, and so he's telling the other candidates to GTFO and let him start cruising to non-victory.

"That is not God's plan."—Rick Santorum

"Fuck youuuuuuuuuuu!"—Newt Gingrich

"Is my eyebrow falling off?"—Ron Paul

Speaking of candidates still trying desperately to make themselves relevant, Newt Gingrich says that President Barack Obama attacks the Catholic Church, crushes Christianity and Judaism, and appeases radical Islam. No, really:
After a speech at Barrington High School in which he urged students to follow their dreams, Gingrich courted Christian voters at Judson University on the banks of the Fox River in Elgin.

It was billed as a "Hispanic Town Hall Meeting with Newt and Calista," but only a handful of Hispanics were among the 300 mostly white Christian college students and retirees who jammed a campus chapel to hear Gingrich and his wife. The crowd applauded when Gingrich slammed what he called "Obama's attack on the Catholic Church and other right-to-life institutions."

...Contrasting [the administration's birth control mandate] with Obama's apology to Muslims after reports that copies of the Quran were burned, Gingrich said, "Appeasing radical Islam whole while crushing Christianity and Judaism strikes me as exactly what's wrong in America today."

The chapel erupted in applause.
Of course it did.

At the same event, Gingrich also said: "I'm staying in the race because I think Proverbs was right when it said that 'Without vision people will perish.' This is also part of the reason I've decided to stay in the race: I think we need a visionary leader."

image of Newt Gingrich talking out the side of his mouth, to which I have added text reading: 'Humblebraggin' is a sucker's game, yo.'

Blah blah Santorum. He's super Christy and a petulant douchebag. Water is wet, etc.

Finally! Guess who said this?

"I think there is a perception out there [that there is a Republican war on women] because of the way this whole contraception issue played out—we need to get off of that issue in my view. I think we ought to respect the right of women to make choices in their lives and make that clear—and get back onto what the American people really care about: jobs and the economy."

If you said JOHN MCCAIN, give yourself ONE MILLION POINTS because you are RIGHT!

Yes, that's right—John fucking McCain now sounds like a bloody liberal in comparison to the rest of the Republican Party. Yiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.

blog comments powered by Disqus