Santorum Clinches Thrash Metal Vote

Okay, metalheads, you can stop worrying about who you're gonna vote for: Dave Mustaine has spoken!

"I'm hoping that if it does come down to it, we'll see a Republican in the White House... and that it's Rick Santorum."

\m/

Awesome, Rick Santorum! Way to grab the youth vote. Or something. Dave Mustaine is definitely someone people listen to. He's like the E. F. Hutton of metal. And instead of money, politics. Which are like the same thing now anyway. So there's that.

But, don't think that Dave Mustaine hasn't considered all the options.

"I've got to tell you, I was floored the other day to see that Mitt Romney's five boys have a $100 million trust fund. Where does a guy make that much money?"

I dunno. Being in Metallica maybe? I kid! No, I don't. Those guys are soooo rich.

"Watching Newt Gingrich, I was pretty excited for a while, but now he's just gone back to being that person that everybody said he was – that angry little man."

Awww... Poor Newt. "I still like him, but I don't think I'd vote for him." Oh, okay, no worries, Newt, Dave Mustaine still likes you! That's way better than most everyone else in the country feels about you!

"I like Ron Paul because he knows how to excite the youth of America and fill them in on some things. But when he says that we're like the Taliban ... I'm sorry, Congressman Paul, but I'm nothing like the Taliban." Oh, Ron Paul. Even professional metalheads thing you're too extreme. How is that even possible? Well, it is. Sucks to be you and all that.

And what is it that Dave Mustaine likes about Rick Santorum? "When the dude went home to be with his daughter when she was sick, that was very commendable." Okay, I can't even really argue with that. Every father should have compassion for his children. It is my belief, however, that a president needs to have compassion for people outside his family. Santorum seems incapable of that.

So, headbangers, you heard it here first (unless you didn't)! And if Rick Santorum wins, maybe Dave Mustaine can be Secretary of Thrash.

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