Primarily Horrendo

image of Romney speaking to an almost entirely empty stadium in Michigan

This weekend, Mitt Romney gave an economic speech in Detroit, which the Detroit Economic Club incredibly decided to relocate from a downtown Detroit hotel to the 80,000-seat Ford Stadium after selling 1,200 tickets. Not only did 80,000 people not show up, but "Romney couldn't even sell out the space on field. Things were so bad that the Romney campaign tried to fill the empty area by moving the media in close in order to make the crowd look bigger on television that what it really was."

Yiiiiiiiiiikes. Here's a neat video of the Laird of Whoopsington Manor giving his garbage speech to an empty stadium:

Romney: By the way, congratulations to the Lions on a great season—and to the next great season. [tepid applause as the camera pans around the empty stadium] It's, uh, it's good to be back in Michigan. This, of course, is where I was born and raised. I, uh, I was actually born in Harper Hospital!

Think Progress has some lemon juice fun comparative pictures of Romney's event and some of Obama's stadium-filling events in 2008.

On the one hand: HA HA THIS IS SO FUNNY! YOU STINK, ROMNEY! YOU'RE THE WORST AND NOBODY LIKES YOU! On the other hand: This is pointedly indicative of how truly detached from the needs, wants, and realities of the 99% Mitt Romney really is. Perhaps no city in the US better understands the failures of the federal government and the harrowing effects of a greed-driven corporatocracy more than Detroit, and the fact that Mitt Romney wants to try to sell them "managed bankruptcy" and a tax plan that makes the rich even richer is straight-up laughable. He is comprehensively clueless.

image of Romney giving a speech in which I've inserted the text: 'No, you don’t even UNDERSTAND how American we are! We’re just like you! I drive a Mustang and a Chevy pickup truck. Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs. I used to have a Dodge truck, so I used to have all three covered! Just like any average American with four cars!'

That is not even a thing I made up. To an empty stadium in decimated Detroit, Mitt Romney listed all the many, many automobiles he and his wife own, in order to appear "relatable."

He also noted this weekend that he is not much of a NASCAR fan himself, but he has "some great friends who are NASCAR team owners."

Something something Ron Paul. Liberty, freedom, liberty, freedom, forcible pregnancy, honest rape. It's in the Constitution! Look it up.

Newt Gingrich is a person in the world who is running for president!

In Rick Santorum news, a phrase which is always a harbinger of GOOD THINGS, Rick Santorum says he "almost threw up" when he read John F. Kennedy's 1960 Houston address on the separation of church and state. HA HA RICK SANTORUM YOUR BRAINZ ARE FULL OF GARBAGE!

As if to underline that point, Rick Santorum has also penned a TERRIFIC op-ed for the Wall Street Journal titled: "My Economic Freedom Agenda." It's really good and you should definitely read it. By which I mean, of course, that it is terrible and you should not waste your time reading it unless you need a good, old-fashioned chuckle-a-doo.

Spoiler Alert: Rick Santorum does not believe that control over our reproduction is a necessary component of women's economic freedom. I KNOW YOU'RE SO SHOCKED! This way to the fainting couch.

image of fainting couch

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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