Primarily Horrendo

image of people walking past a cardboard cut-out of Rick Santorum at CPAC
People walk past a cardboard cutout of Republican US presidential candidate Rick Santorum at the American Conservative Union's annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Washington, February 9, 2012. [REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst]
In my mind, the soundtrack to that image is this song.

Anyway! I sort of lost the plot with the primary news this morning, after the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT that President Obama was kinda sorta caving but not really (?!) to conservative religious bullies. The one GOOD THING about this election is that, no matter which of the two major parties you support, you can feel safe in the guarantee that the healthcare of women and other people with uteri will always be regarded as a TOTALLY NEGOTIABLE ITEM.

"My uterus is a bargaining chip!"—Me, every election in my lifetime.

Speaking of misogyny, Rick Santorum, Good Christian, says he has concerns about women in combat roles because "that could be a very compromising situation, where people naturally may do things that may not be in the interest of the mission because of other types of emotions that are involved. It already happens, of course, with the camaraderie of men in combat, but I think it would be even more unique if women were in combat."

Sure. Like, what if I were on the frontlines in Afghanistan, and I saw an enemy combatant who I thought was super dreamy? I would probably abandon my post to go make out with him, and then tell him to shoot the dudes in my unit. So Rick Santorum, as usual, definitely has a point.

In other news, the surging Santorum is cleaning up the grody Newt Gingrich leftovers. Sloppy Seconds Santorum! That's what we used to call him at the roller rink back in the '80s.

What does that even mean? I don't know. Here's a picture.

photoshopped image of 80s rollerskaters, with dude's face replaced by Santorum's

In Mitt Romney news, Mitt Romney is meeting privately with conservative leaders at CPAC, "in an effort to reassure Republicans who remain skeptical about his candidacy." Ha ha GOOD LUCK, Mitt Romney! I hope your party is fun and that its attendees enjoy the party favors! By which I mean THE BRIBES!

Something something Ron Paul. Liberty. Freedom. Gold standard. Honest rape.

image of Rick Santorum looking down at something and making a face
Rick Santorum reading this post: "That roller skater isn't even me!"

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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