Primarily Annoying

badly photoshopped image of Romney with American flag, eagle, and Constitution background, flanked by two yellow stars reading 'Whoops for America!' and underneath a banner reading 'Winner!'
Congratulations! You are the least barfiest!

Future general election loser Mitt Romney was the BIG WINNER this weekend, as he ran away with Nevada's Republican Primary, taking more than 50% of the vote. And if there's one place in America where people will trip over each other to put down money on a bad bet everyone sees coming from a mile away, it's Nevada, so that makes sense.

Speaking of how Mitt Romney is an awful candidate, this is my favorite poll result in ages: "By better than 2 to 1, Americans say the more they learn about Romney, the less they like him." LOLOLOLOLOL! Awesome.

In other terrible news for Romney from the same poll: Even though the economy is still a shambles, and even though President Obama's "ratings on handling the economy and job creation remain negative," and even though nearly "nine in 10 people still rate the economy negatively," US voters still rate Obama more highly on "who would better protect the middle class."

Even more damningly: "Fifty-two percent of voters say Obama better understands the economic problems people are having, while 37 percent say Romney does."

And: "Two-thirds of all Americans say they do not think [Mitt Romney] is paying his fair share [of taxes]."


Gee, it's almost like US voters are—despite their garbage media and the preponderance of bootstrap narratives implicitly lionizing corporate and individual greed, at both of which Mitt Romney has excelled—clever enough to have determined that Mitt Romney is a gross jerk who lives in a bubble of privilege and supports policy that condones the exploitation of workers and codifies job-killing corporate welfare at the taxpayers' expense. Huh!

In case the point was not yet clear enough, a Mitt Romney biographer is making the rounds with the not-news that the candidate "grew up in a series of bubbles."


Meanwhile, Dick Armey (insert deep breath where SO MANY JOKES want to be) has accused Newt Gingrich of waging "a first-rate vendetta" against Mitt Romney. I guess? Personally, I've always been under the impression that Newt Gingrich could never hate anyone as much as he hates himself, but if Dick Armey says Newt Gingrich hella hates Mitt Romney and it's totes vendetta time, then who am I to argue with Dick Armey?

Something something Ron Paul. Liberty, freedom, liberty, freedom, forcible pregnancy. It's in the Constitution! Look it up.

Now it's time for another Rick Santorum FUN FACT! In his book, It Takes a Family (take THAT, Hillary Clinton!), Rick Santorum asserts: "The radical feminists succeeded in undermining the traditional family and convincing women that professional accomplishments are the key to happiness." And that is why there are no more children and no more families in the United States of America today. The end.

image of Rick Santorum in which he's thinking 'I am a world-class nightmare!'
^ Also a fun fact.

Finally, in related news, E.J. Dionne, Jr. takes a fun look at the Citizens United catastrophe: "We have seen the world created by the Supreme Court's Citizens United decision, and it doesn't work. Oh, yes, it works nicely for the wealthiest and most powerful people in the country, especially if they want to shroud their efforts to influence politics behind shell corporations. It just doesn't happen to work if you think we are a democracy and not a plutocracy." Whoooooops!

Tomorrow: Minnesota!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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