Primarily Stupid

Here's the latest from Who Farted, Too: Electric Boogaloo aka the Republican Primary...

Newt Gingrich is having a wacky day today (hey, maybe he is zany after all!), as he gets a swell endorsement from Prop 8 ringleader Pastor Jim Garlow of Skyline Church in La Mesa, California, who is a huge fan of Gingrich's antigay bigotry and finds that Gingrich "understands the moral component" of marriage. That is to say, preventing same-sex marriage. Ahem. But despite his admirable ethics [sic] on social justice issues, CREW is alleging that Gingrich's campaign is engaging in shady accounting. Such a conundrum! On the one hand, Gingrich is a paragon of moral virtue [sic], and on the other, he's a thieving dirtbag. HOW WOULD JESUS VOTE?!

Obviously not for this guy: Mitt Romney, who is still a Mormon, has struck out a controversial path by announcing he "agree[s] with the Constitution." Way to set yourself apart from the Republican pack, sir! None of the candidates are incessantly invoking the Constitution this year! In other news, Romney campaign strategist Flurg Flunderton has confirmed that their strategy of "listen to what everyone else is saying, then say that, too, only wayyyyy more awkwardly" is working great. Also: Mitt Romney is one of you.

Michelle Bachmann, a sitting member of Congress who has been a nationally known candidate for years because of her incendiary politicking, is one of you: "Republican hopeful Michele Bachmann seems to have found a new favorite tag line in the midst of her bus tour: 'I'm one of you.' It's a phrase she's been using more and more, and Monday she seemed to be saying it everywhere she went. 'I am not a politician. I am a real person. I don't even know how to be a politician.'" Ha ha. Okay, player. One of us! One of us!

Rick Perry is still definitely in the race! He has not dropped out yet.

Carter Eskew of the Washington Post has a great theory on why Ron Paul won't win the nomination: "Ron Paul's un-electability will be his undoing." Solid observation. Sometimes I daydream about having a column in the Washington Post, but I then remember that you've got to have the Big Ideas to get a job like that. Aw, shucks!

Jon Huntsman's "long-shot campaign hinges on South Carolina," according to CBS. Wait a second—I thought it hinged on New Hampshire! Garsh, it's hard to keep track of on what wildly improbable victory Jon Huntsman's futile campaign for the presidential nomination and slightly less futile (but still definitely very futile) campaign for the vice presidential slot on the ticket depends. In good news, his campaign to be sent back to China is looking GREAT!

Rick Santorum got an enthusiastic endorsement in the Letters section of the paper from a lady in Sioux City, Iowa. "I am angry and hateful, and I support Rick Santorum!" Ha ha perfect. She also suuuuuuuuper loves playing Conservative Bingo. Who loves this endorsement as much as I do?

image of Rick Santorum raising his finger

And here's a bit of bright news for all you Palin-Heads in the crowd: Sarah Palin said in an interview on Fox Business Network that "it's not too late for folks to jump in." Told ya! Go get 'em, Sarah!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

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