I'll Show YOU, Smarty Pants

Okay, so, apparently Bill O'Reilly is fond of saying "Tide goes in, tide goes out," to prove the existence of God. Or something. I mean, I learned in grade school that the tides are caused by the gravitational pull of the moon (and the sun), but what the fuck do I know. After all, back then, I thought Spiderman was real. Oh wait, I do know this, Bill O'Reilly can't be arsed to google anything. I also know Bill O'Reilly thinks I'm a pinhead.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this debunking of science by O'Reilly. I know I'm convinced. Flag on the moon... how did it get there?

Poor Mars. All lonely out there.

Text Onscreen: "BILLOREILLY.COM Backstage Conversation."

(Transcript below the fold, thanks to Liss for the transcript. H/T to Shaker MMC.)

O'Reilly [sitting in his office, reading an email/letter, the text of which appears onscreen]: David, Beverley Hills, Florida—"What do you mean when you refer to the tides when you are asked about the existence of god? Science explains the tides…the moon's gravity pulls on the oceans." Okay, how'd the moon get there? [cut back to O'Reilly in office, looking directly at camera] How'd the moon get there? Look, you pinheads who attack me for this, you guys are just desperate. How'd the moon get there? How'd the sun get there? How'd it get there? Can you explain that to me? How come we have that, and Mars doesn't have it? Venus doesn't have it—how come? Why not? How'd it get here? How did that little amoeba get here, crawl out there? [waggles fingers to mime an amoeba crawling out of the primordial ooze, I guess] How'd it do it? Come on.

You have order in this universe; you have an order in the universe. Tide comes in; tide goes out. Okay, yeah, the moon does it. Fine. How'd the moon get there? Who put it there? Did it just happen? Okay, if we have existence, if we have life on Earth, how come they don't have it on the other planets? Were we just lucky? Some meteor do this? [waves hand like exploding meteor] BOOM. Come on.

You know, I see this stuff—it's desperate. As I've said many times, it takes more faith to not believe and to think that this was all luck, all this human body, the intricacies of it and everything else—all luck!—then it does to believe in a deity. There you go.

Text Onscreen: "Become a BILLOREILLY.COM PREMIUM MEMBER for more weekly insights from Bill!"

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