Assvertising

[Trigger warning for harassment, objectification, coercion, and mockery/minimization of same.]

This advert for Lindt Lindor Truffles originally ran in the summer, but I've just seen it starting to run again (as has Shaker Socchan, who emailed me about it). There's a lot wrong with this ad—see trigger warning, and of course the entire frame that suggests it's all hilarious because it's women doing it to a famous, powerful, privileged man—and a whole lot wrong with Lindt's decision to capitalize on the current concerns about TSA enhanced screening in an effort to sell fucking candy.


[Transcript below.]

Scene: An airport security checkpoint. Two young, thin, traditionally pretty white women, one blonde and one brunette, are working as security agents. Blonde nudges Brunette as tennis player Roger Federer comes through their checkpoint.

Federer: Hello. [He smiles.]

Brunette: [to Blonde] Hey, come check this out. [On the x-ray monitor, showing the contents of Federer's bag, is a bunch of round objects.]

Blonde: [nodding knowingly] Tennis player.

[The bag comes through on the conveyor belt; Blonde eyes Federer then zips open the bag, revealing a bunch of loose Lindt Lindor Truffles. Brunette comes over to look. They exchange glances with Federer. The two women each pick up a truffle, unwrap it, and eat it. They close their eyes and say, in unison, "Mmmmm."]

Federer: You're eating my chocolate.

Blonde: [with mouth still full of chocolate, pointing to bag] Um, we're gonna have to confiscate these.

Federer: Why is that?

Brunette: It's a new policy.

Blonde: No chocolate balls.

Federer: [looking confused] Okay.

Brunette: I think we should do a strip search.

Federer: [looking concerned] Excuse me?

Blonde: Definitely. [nods] Definitely strip search. [Federer looks alarmed.] So if you could take off your pants…turn around…

Federer: [turning around, but not taking off his pants] Is this really necessary?

Blonde: Stop. Right there.

Federer: [stopping with his back to the women] What's wrong?

Blonde: Nothing! Everything's right.

Brunette: You move very well.

Blonde: Mm-hmm.

Brunette: You must work out a lot.

Blonde: Mm-hmm. [Federer starts to turn back around.] Slowly—oh, yeah. That's the spot.

Federer: People are watching this!

Blonde: Anyway, you're all done! [The women smile; Blonde motions with her head that he can leave.] Carry on.

Federer: [reaching for his bag] My chocolate?

Blonde: Nope. My chocolate.

Federer: [walking away] You ladies are crazy.

Blonde: Have a nice flight! … Love you!

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104 105, 106, 107, 108, 109, 110, 111, 112, 113, 114, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 124.]