For Posterity

You all remember Xanadouche, don't you? Of course you do: it's the greatest work of art since that douchebag on Top Art made those concrete buttholes. In fact, I declare this to be officially better than concrete buttholes! So, yay.

And if I haven't already told you (I haven't) this is a pretty regular occurrence. I never know what is going to be in my inbox when I wake up. Just this morning I received this awesome photo accompanied by the blurb "Please find attached a picture of what is supposed to be Thor pulling his magical hammer from a stone, but actually looks like something else altogether. Way to release promotional images, Studio! Very cool!" The image, by the way, is not very cool at all:

[Some muscled dude (Thor?) pulls his magical hammer (I can't believe I really just typed the words "magical hammer") from a giant steaming pile of pooh mud. The lump says "I feel like hammered shit!!"]

I officially declare this to be the greatest thing since Xanadouche. Or at least last week when this showed up:

[John Travolta with his fly down. "Good Morning!"]

And in weeks previous there were these:

[A roadside marquee for some sad ass club where some sad ass local band named Nawty will be playing. Good night!]

["Good morning from Howie Mandel and a baby chimpanzee."]

[A Jermaine Jackson LP cover with the text "Good morning from Jermaine Jackson, a man who named his son Jermajesty."]

[Hiscox Service and Parts. Why? Because we're both 12 years old. Derrr...]

["A sign for Quick Rod Electric Sewer Rodding (that's what she said)." Why? Because we're both 12 years old. Double derrr...]

["Good morning from your boyfriend, Bobcat Goldthwait." Bobcat Goldthwait is not my boyfriend. (But he wishes. Triple derrr...)]

[Image of sign reading Butthole Lane. "This is where you live. (Good morning!)" This one is true.]

So, there you go. For posterity. Now you know what I go through all the time. Give me a cookie if you want. Or don't. Whatever. Just don't send me any pictures.

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