Driving In Cars With Caitie

A couple of weeks ago, while driving a friend to the airport in Buffalo, my car began to make this weird peeping noise. High-pitched, like an alarm or something, but little tiny chirps.

Friend: Why is it beeping?

Cait: I don't know.

(Cait turns on radio)

Friend: Why did you do that?

Cait: Um...well, to appease the God of Random Noises.

Friend: (laughs)

(peeping stops)

Cait: Aah, you laugh at my gods, but they do the bizness, don't they?

Friend: (ponders) Let's see...there's the God of Traffic Clearing*, and the Goddess of Counting Smarties**, and the God of Random Noises...yes, I guess you're right.

Cait: Don't forget the God of Wedding Chaos***. That worked too.

Never did, by the way, find out why the car was peeping. It stopped, though, and that's good enough for me.

* God of Traffic Clearing: appeased by the shouting of "I'm Moses, damnit, get out the fucking way!" Not always effective, but usually leaves the supplicant at least feeling invigorated by the shouting.

** Goddess of Counting Smarties: appeased by the careful consumption of Smarties in the approved manner (having to do with the order of eating, which basically goes by constantly recalculating the mode with regard to the current set of Smarties). You don't want to know what happens if I eat the Smarties in the wrong order, but I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with "the bluniverse blends".

*** God of Wedding Chaos: I insisted that I must invite some Chaos into my wedding last September, because if I didn't, then Chaos would gate-crash, and we'd have a right mess. So we had no formal photographer chosen or engaged, instead encouraging our friends to take as many pictures as they wanted. It worked beautifully, we had many, many pictures, and almost no uninvited Chaos. Just remember how often fairy tales start with some bad person who wasn't invited to a ritual, and starts flinging curses about like stupid memes on Facebook. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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