Today in Rape Culture

[Trigger warning.]

From the Nov. 27 edition of advice column Ask Amy:
Dear Amy: I recently attended a frat party, got drunk and made some bad decisions.

I let a guy take me to "his" room because he promised that he wouldn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. Many times, I clearly said I didn't want to have sex, and he promised to my face that he wouldn't. Then he quickly proceeded to go against what he "promised." I was shocked, and maybe being intoxicated made my reaction time a bit slow in realizing what was happening. We were soon kicked out of the room by the guy who lived there, who was pretty angry.

I guess my question is, if I wasn't kicking and fighting him off, is it still rape? I feel like calling it that is a bit extreme, but I haven't felt the same since it happened. Am I a victim?

-- Victim? in Virginia

Dear Victim?: First of all, thank you. I hope your letter will be posted on college bulletin boards everywhere.

Were you a victim? Yes.

First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact.

You don't say whether the guy was also drunk. If so, his judgment was also impaired.

...Go to your college's health department to be tested for STDs and pregnancy. See a counselor to determine how you want to approach this. You must involve the guy in question in order to determine what happened and because he absolutely must take responsibility and face the consequences for his actions, just as you are prepared to do. He may have done this before.
Dear Amy: Rape culture is refusing to acknowledge that the only thing that the victim of every rapist shares in common is bad fucking luck. Rape culture is refusing to acknowledge that the only thing a person can do to avoid being raped is never be in the same room as a rapist. Rape culture is avoiding talking about what an absurdly unreasonable expectation that is, since rapists don't announce themselves or wear signs or glow purple.

Rape culture is telling victims they were conspirators in their own rapes.

Rape culture is suggesting that rapists must be "involved" in determining whether they sexually assaulted their victims, as if rapists are not scheming predators but good guys who will totes be honest about having heard, as if hearing that and continuing to try to fuck someone could just be some kind of zany misunderstanding.

Rape culture is telling victims they must "face the consequences" of their actions, thus suggesting there may be a context in which rape is justifiable.

Rape culture is the fact that you still have a fucking job after unloading that heap of victim-blaming horseshit.


P.S. Also see Athenae.

[H/T to Shakers Socchan and Lauren.]

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