Vloggin' with Blogginz, Episode 1

So, last night, while Iain (who generously donates his time to tech-inept friends and family as hardware guru) was trying to download the drivers for Kenny Blogginz's wireless internet stick for use on his new netbook, KBlogz and I decided to do a video blog—or, in the modern parlance, a vlog.

I edited together the footage this morning, and the result looks remarkably like every Wednesday night at Shakes Manor: Three nerds hanging out and being totes dumbasses. I suppose it goes without saying this was neither scripted nor rehearsed. Enjoy.

[Full transcript below.]
Title Card: Vloggin' with Blogginz

Liss [behind camera]: Kenny Blogginz Vlog, take one.

KBlogz: Hi, everyone. I'm internet personality Kenny Blogginz. And I'm here to talk to you about a subject that's very near and dear to my heart—and that's wolves.

[Liss starts to laugh; edit]

Liss: Okay, it's rolling.

KBlogz: Would you rather just take videos of me farting?

[Liss laughs; edit]

Liss: Kenny Blogginz Vlog, take two.

KBlogz: Hi, everybody. This is Kenny Blogginz, and I'm here to talk to you about a serious issue—and that's wolves. Now, there's many different types of wolves in the world: There are anthro-furry wolves, um, muscle wolves, there are gray wolf spirits, and red, white, and blue wolves in the forests.

Liss: They sound patriotic.

KBlogz: Thank you. Um, the main point is that you are enthusiastic about the general spirit of wolves, and their—I mean, they can exist both in pack and as lone wolves howling at the moon! So…

Liss: I notice there are some wolves howling at the moon on your shirt.

KBlogz: Oh, well, that's very kind of you to notice. Um, this is actually the classic three wolf moon shirt available at Wal-Mart, and, um, you know, it's just a trio of wolves, howlin' at the moon! [shrugs]

Liss: It's beautiful.

KBlogz: Thank you.

Liss: It's very inspiring.

KBlogz: I'm glad you're inspired by it.

[ KBlogz gives Liss meaningful look; edit]

KBlogz: Fire in the hole.

[cheeky look; edit]

Liss: Hey, Iain—do you have anything that you'd like to say about wolves?

Iain [off-camera; refusing to be filmed]: Only that I was raised by wolves, very similar to how the founders of Rome were raised by wolves—

Liss: Are you referring to Romulus and Remus?

KBlogz: Romulus and Remus!

Iain: I am, and I feel that at some point I, too, will rule an empire.

[KBlogz nods sagely.]

Liss: Interesting.

KBlogz: That's awesome.

Liss: Well, you're the wolf expert. Do you think that Iain will rule an empire at some point?

KBlogz: Yes.

[laughter; edit]

Liss: Would you like to expound on that?

KBlogz: No.


KBlogz: What the fudge?

Liss: [laughs] Is that what you say around your grandma?

KBlogz: Uh-huh. She's devout.

[edit; KBlogz is trying out a sexy new position of repose]

Liss: [laughing] You're lookin' kinda sassy.

KBlogz: Thank you.


Liss: So what is your new series going to be now that you can't do Teenz Korner anymore, since you're an old man of twenty?

KBlogz: Well, as I said in some comments thread, it's gonna be about a year of just limbo, just writing weird, scary things, and then we're gonna graduate into 21, and then it's gonna morph and it's gonna sort of evolve into Alcoholicz Korner—

Liss: Alcoholiczzz. With a z.

KBlogz: Right, right. And I'm just gonna get liver poisoning. Alcohol poisoning.

Liss: That would be sad. We'd have to have an intervention for you. And you'd be all, "My name is Kenny. K-E-N-N-Y. Blogginz. B-L-O-G-G—

KBlogz: B-L-A-U-G-E-N-Z.

Liss: [laughs] You're gonna change the spelling so that people can't look you up in the phone book?

KBlogz: Yeah.

Liss: They can't find you under the Blogginz residence.

KBlogz: Mm-hmm. Right.

Liss: In Blogginz, Indiana.

KBlogz: [laughs] Grandma Blogginz doesn't approve.

Liss: I'm just joking. He lives in Blartville.

[edit; KBlogz is intently staring at his wireless internet stick; Iain is looking up drivers]

KBlogz: Maybe. Are you getting choices over there?

Iain: Yeah.

KBlogz: Well, what the heck are they?

Iain: There's lots.

KBlogz: Choose one of 'em. [turns stick over in hands like it's the biggest mystery evah] I don't know. Shit. Is there one that starts with, like, a U?


Iain: Let me see this thing.

KBlogz: [laughs; hands Iain the stick] Okay.

Liss: [laughs] You're like a tech whiz.

KBlogz: Thank you.

Liss: You're like, you're supposed to be, you know—the young demographic is really technologically hip and that—

KBlogz: Mm-hmm.

Liss: But you don't know shit about shit. You're even worse than me.

KBlogz: [laughs] Well, haven't you ever seen Harry Potter? I mean, they're all wizards, so they don't really need technology.

Liss: That's a good point.

KBlogz: It's like a hobby for me.


Iain: You got the box or anything that this came in with you?

KBlogz: I didn't bring it with. [looks at camera and grins, then shakes head at himself]

Iain: 'Cuz I'm not sure which version we need to download. Your CD probably has all of them on it, but—

Liss: Sounds like your IT department is pretty unhappy.

KBlogz: I know. [rolls eyes]

Liss: [laughs] Iain, you're fired!

KBlogz: I know, totally.

[edit; background: Liss totes figured it out]

Liss: I found every piece of information necessary [holds stick in front of camera] right on here.

[KBlogz responds by magically appearing silver coin out of nowhere, prompting Liss to burst out laughing and KBlogz follows; edit]

KBlogz: I told you I don't need technology.

Liss: You were right. [passes stick in front of camera; whispers] Magic.

KBlogz: [whispers] Magic.


Liss: Fire in the hole.

KBlogz: Fire in the hole.


Liss: I think actually maybe I should have just recorded you farting. [KBlogz laughs] Or blarting! [KBlogz fake laughs] I think your next vlog should be on "Blarts and Sciences."

KBlogz: [laughs] God, I wish—if only they offered that degree at my community college…

Liss: You'd have a PhD in Blarts and Sciences in no time?

KBlogz: Totally. Instantly.

Liss: With a minor in Wolvery.

KBlogz: Wolvery! [laughs]


KBlogz: So, like, remember that part where I did magic on camera?

Liss: How could I forget?

KBlogz: Um, can you just go ahead and add "The Final Countdown" in there for the soundtrack?

Liss: [laughs] You want "The Final Countdown," like, as the soundtrack to this video?

KBlogz: [nods] That's magic music.

Liss: Okay.

[KBlogz hums "The Final Countdown"]

Liss: That's beautiful.

KBlogz: Thank you.


Liss: Would you like some Michael Bay special effects added to this video? This vlog?

KBlogz: Absolutely. Mm-hmm.

Liss: Some sparks and explosions?

KBlogz: Some very inappropriate robots.

Liss: Some very—

KBlogz: Or VIRs.

Liss: Um, why does he like sparks so much? Do you have a theory?

KBlogz: I don't know.

Liss: Are sparks patriotic?

KBlogz: I don't know. I don't think the founding fathers even knew about sparks.

Title Card: The End!!!

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