[Two dudes in bathrobes holding beers try to figure out if camera is on, then settle in to start the show.]
Dude #1: Hi! Welcome to the Washington Post!
Voiceover: Two Dudes and a Webcam! From Washington Post dot com. Journalism didn't work out; we'll try this instead.
Dude #2: Welcome back to the Dan Froomkin Memorial Studio. We're two dudes and a webcam.
Dude #1: What happens when the spirit of viral video meets journalism?
Dude #2: I'll tell ya what happens: Trenchant hilariousness! Did you know that if your hand is bigger than your face, you've got cancer?
Dude #1: I did not know that. [puts hand in front of face]
Dude #2: Yeah! [smacks Dude #1's hand into his face in a familiar grade-school gag] Ha ha ha! You just got POSTED!
[They make rock'n'roll hand gestures; text on screen: You've been Post'd!]
Voiceover: You've been posted! From WaPo. Are we viral yet? Please say we're viral.
Dude #1: That's right. We're going through the major political figures of the day and we're finding out who's doing a'ight and who's gettin' the post!
Dude #2: We're gettin' all up in their face, journalistic-style!
Dude #1: First up for the WaPost comedy treatment: Senator Byrd.
Dude #2: OLD!
Dude #1: If Senator Byrd were a whiskey, he'd be Old Grand-Dad.
Dude #2: What up, Byrd? You just got POSTED!
[They make rock'n'roll hand gestures and stick out their tongues and scream; text on screen: You've been Post'd!]
Voiceover: You've been posted! From WaPo. Desperately trying to figure out what the internet wants from us since 2008.
Dude #1: Next up: Dennis Kucinich.
Dude #2: SHORT!
Dude #1: Short! Dude is short!
Dude #2: You know, if he were a famous jazz saxophonist and composer, he'd be Wayne Shorter.
[They high five.]
Dude #1: Posted!
Dude #2: Oww!
Voiceover: You've been posted! From WaPo. No, we're not terribly ashamed of what we've become. Why?
Dude #1: And Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State.
Dude #2: What a bitch!
[They both fake-laugh uproariously, then start scream-laughing, then just screaming. Dude #1 spins in his chair. Dude #2 starts acting like an ape. Dude #1 starts chowing down on a raw piece of meat. Dude #2 starts swilling beer and spitting it out. Dude #1 manically rubs his face on the seat of his chair. Dude #2 mimics an ape grabbing its own shit and throwing it. Cut to picture of the Washington Post building. Cut back to dudes, who look emotionally spent.]
Dude #1: God, that was brilliant. No context—just putting it out there. In your face, Clinton!
Dude #2: Yeah, that was so insightful and trenchant I think beer shot out my nose.
Dude #1: Trenchant as hell, man.
Dude #2: Mm. [sighs contentedly]
Dude #1: Join us next week when we analyze international relations by comparing emergent refugee populations to Jack Black movies and different types of weed.
Dude #2: The Post isn't stuffy anymore.
Dude #1: Come visit our online chat, where you can find David Ignatius on World of Warcraft. He's a level 60 paladin!
Voiceover: Two dudes and a webcam! From Washington Post dot com. Inadvertently revealing the dark heart of our dying industry, two minutes at a time.
Posted by Melissa McEwan at Thursday, August 06, 2009
In comments of my post about the tragic end of "Mouthpiece Theater," Shaker John Cain linked to this parody, which is absolutely, hilariously spot-on. I did a transcript for those who can't view/hear the video, which is below.