Science schmience! Deathfat shrinks your brain bitchez!
Please pay no attention to the concluding paragraph that questions the veracity of the claims in the rest of the article!
Please do pay attention to the charming image we selected to accompany the article—a naked, halved headless fatty, as disembodied as possible while still retaining vague traces of humanity even as that humanity is reduced to its FATTY FAT FATNESS.
Hey, fatties—stop clogging your brains with gravy! Not only will it make your brains more delectable to zombies, but it makes you dumber than skinny people, and isn't just being uglier bad enough? I mean, look at that FATTY FAT FATSO with her FATTY FAT FATITUDE?! We can't even believe you don't want to kill yourselves already, being so ugly and disease-prone and underemployed and underpaid and cow-called and treated with contempt because of being such FATTY BOOM BALATTIES, but maybe hearing that you're FAT IN THE BRAINS, too, will go ahead and push you right over the edge, fatties! GOD WE HATE YOU!
Err, we mean, we're really concerned about your health.
* * *
If it's true that fat gives you a raging case of the fuckbrains, then the world had better be glad I'm fat—or else I'd be Queen Cunt of the Universe by now.
Because, like, I'm really fucking fat—but I'm even more really fucking smart.
Even with a critically addled fatbrain.
[H/T to Shaker NAS.]