Shakers, if you're interested in having safer OMG SECKS, I highly recommend this video (via Sullivan), which provides a valuable Christian perspective on condom use... as long as you substitute a bottle of expired milk for the penis, a sieve for the condom, a PINT GLASS for the vagina, and a cup or two of OLD, CLUMPY CREAM for the semen:


1) Why doesn't my vagina look like a pint glass? Is this normal?
2) This guy (YouTube name Jesusophile): Performance artist or genuine Jesus freak?


Transcript below the jump.

Hi. I'd like to talk to you about condoms, and why they don't really protect you against STDs, especially AIDS.

Of course, condoms are often used as what people think [of] as protection against sexually transmittable diseases, but they're not that good a protection against those. And actually, I've got something prepared, right, I'm going to show you with a scientific experiment why they're not a good protection. So this is actually going to be science, right? So all you skeptics, this is going to be be a real scientific thing, right?

First of all, let's talk about AIDS. AIDS is a virus, right, that can hide in sperm, and it's a very small virus, it's smaller than sperm cells, so it can get through a condom easier than sperm cells because it's so small. So people are gonna think, when I have a condom full of sperm, they'll think, oh, it's full of sperm so I can't have AIDS now because all the sperm's in there. But the AIDS virus might have actually slipped through the condom, right?

So what I'm going to show now in an experiment, is this. Right here I have a glass. [Holding up pint glass.] This glass represents a vagina. What I have this here [holding up sieve], this is a condom. Because a condom is kind of like a filter. And really small things can get through there, like viruses, right? And this here is some cream [holds up box of milk or cream] that's past its sell-by date, so there's a lot of lumps in it, and there's also some liquid cream, right? So the lumps will represent the sperm cells and the cream will represent the AIDS virus. So the drops of cream because they are smaller--right now we're gonna go, this is the penis, right? And this is the condom, the vagina.

So now we're going to simulate an ejaculation. So the vagina's right here, here's the condom [holding sieve above glass], just open this and here comes the ejaculation, right? [Pouring cream through sieve]. Bear with me, here we go. I'll just hold it up a bit higher so you an see there's a lump, there's the sperm, and as you can see a lot of it actually gets through the condom here, so that's an ejaculation, that's enough, so let's see.

There is some sperm left in the condom, as you can see, but look here: The VAGINA IS FULL OF AIDS. OK? This [gesturing at milk in glass] is all AIDS. There is still some AIDS left in the condom, but not a lot. But most of it is in the vagina. It's a VAGINA FULL OF AIDS.

Do you want a vagina full of AIDS? No? Then don't use a condom. Just wait 'til you're married. I know I will. I won't get AIDS. This person has it. OK? That's it.

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