Things I Learned About Manliness

From Mars Snackfood, which recently released its rankings of the "Manliest Cities In America"*:

1) Real Men™ like hearty pretzel and cracker snacks made with Real Cheez™! (Unlike the wimminz, who like yogurt.)

2) Minivans, IKEA, and subscriptions to Vogue are scientifically proven to reduce penis size.

3) Manly men drive American-made cars--which is why Detroit, St. Louis, and Dayton, OH won out over sissy places like San Francisco and Seattle, where grown men ride bicycles, wear floral prints, and have little dogs.

4) Combos Brand is Home of the Combivore, not to be confused with the Combover. Good to know.

* A "study" that was, to my utter lack of surprise, picked up as legitimate news by publications all over the country, virtually none of which mentioned that the "survey" was done by a snack-food company.

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