Assvertising

David Griner at AdFreak describes the point of this advert as: "Quiznos has foot-long meat tubes just waiting to be jammed in the hotbox for you." That pretty much sums it up.

I would have loved to be in the room while the ad team hashed out how to gender the oven and the Quiznos employee. "If we give the oven a chick voice, the suggestion that the oven is a vajayjay will be too obvious, and if we make the employee a chick, it will be too creepy, and if we make them both chicks it won't make any sense, so let's make 'em both dudez, I guess. It's kinda gay that way, but that just makes it funnier!"


[Full transcript below.]

Oven: Scott, I want you to do something.

Scott: Not doing that again. Got burned.

Oven: We both enjoyed that. Now I want you to introduce my greatest creation—the new toasty torpedo.

Scott: The new toasty torpedo?!

Oven: Yes, Scott. You make one.

Scott: Me?

Oven: Put it in me, Scott. [pause while Scott looks vaguely horrified] It's over a foot of Quiznos flavor on slim, sleek ciabatta for only four dollars. Say it, Scott.

Scott: Only four dollars?

Oven: Say it sexy.

Scott: [sexily?] Only four dollars.

Oven: Sexier.

Scott: [sexier?] Only four dollars.

Voiceover: Quiznos! Mm mm mm mm mm—toasty!

[Assvertising: Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Five, Twenty-Six, Twenty-Seven, Twenty-Eight, Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One, Thirty-Two, Thirty-Three, Thirty-Four, Thirty-Five, Thirty-Six, Thirty-Seven, Thirty-Eight, Thirty-Nine, Forty, Forty-One, Forty-Two, Forty-Three, Forty-Four, Forty-Five, Forty-Six, Forty-Seven.]